Unending Darkness
by luvCarlisle
Summary: Tells the story of what Edward was up to during New Moon...It expands beyond his hunting Victoria and trying his hand at tracking...not the best summary, but its the best i got right now!
1. Darkness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**A/N: This story will be written in Edward's POV unless otherwise stated! Hope you enjoy.**

**Chapter One**

**Darkness**

My legs couldn't carry me as fast as I had wanted them to. I knew I was going at the fastest speed I was capable of, but my legs, my legs felt like concrete holding me to the ground. My mind was racing with memories of the days that had destroyed me. I had to sacrifice myself, my happiness, to protect my Bella. My mind wandered as I was running, hunting, tracking. The visions of Bella in the forest wouldn't leave my mind. I could feel my dead heart ripping from my chest as I walked away. I hated myself for every word I had spoke to my Bella. Watching the pain behind her eyes, stopping her from touching me when she reached out to me, I hated myself. I had never wanted to bring her so much hurt, but it was the only way. I couldn't exist anymore, not to Bella. My love for her, the feelings I had felt for her, had put her into so much danger. Too much danger. Too many times.

I had been trying for days to rid myself of the guilt, the pain I had caused. My mind, my immortal mind, had so many thoughts to focus on. All of those thoughts were surrounding my Bella. I could no longer call her my Bella. I had given up that privilege. I could no longer be her protector. I wasn't her protector. I was her death sentence. Images of James, Victoria on the hunt for her. Images of that fateful night of my Bella's birthday party. It had been my fault. I had brought her, a helpless little human into our home full of vampires. She had had a simple finger cut, a cut that wouldn't have been any issue if she had been with anyone other than me. I had sent my brother flailing across the room, pushing my Bella away, causing more damage when she came crashing down. I was not safe for her. I had to leave. We had to leave. I couldn't continue to expose Bella like this. I loved her too much. It was far to selfish of me to stay with her. I couldn't do that to her. Bella Swan deserved to live a life, a long life, to graduate and go to college, to have a career, to maybe someday be a mother. If Bella was with me, she wouldn't be able to do all of those things and live a normal life. There was nothing normal in my existence. Nothing was normal as an immortal.

I could smell the mountain lion as the wind blew it's scent in my direction. My heart was not in the hunt. I found myself trying to allow my instincts to take over but nothing. I slumped against the tree whose limb I was dangling high above the ground from. I watched as the mountain lion sauntered below me, looking for its own prey. The thoughts of the night I almost caused my love to lose her life were blaring in my head. I could hear Jasper's thoughts. He was giving himself over. It had been harder for him than any of us to abstain and even with knowing that, I had brought Bella into our home. I cursed myself for Bella and for Jasper. I was angry with him, willing to destroy my brother to protect my Bella. I cursed myself for it. I had brought Bella into our home, surrounded her by us monsters, knowing that it was a risk. I had taken the risk. Her simple cut almost led to her demise and even though I wanted to hate Jasper for it, I knew it wasn't his fault. I had taken Bella home, already sure of my course. I knew what I had to do, what my family had to do. I would suffer, sacrifice my happiness to protect those I loved. We had to leave. Immediately.

When I arrived back home, Carlisle and Esme greeted me as they had been waiting at the door. Alice had known I would be returning rather quickly that night, but it would be brief as I would return back to Bella. I had wanted to go up to Bella's room, stay with her as she wanted, as we had become accustomed to, wait until the morning to begin my discussion with my family. I even had wanted to tell her no at the same time. I agreed to go after I saw her eyes, pleading. I would have to sneak away momentarily. I needed to talk to my family. I knew what I had to do. It was for the best that I began to break the ties that held us together. Carlisle and Esme embraced me as soon as I arrived. "Carlisle, Esme," my voice cracked with agony. I knew they could hear the pain in my voice as I watched my mother's face crumble. She loved it here in Forks, loved Bella, but she knew what was coming. Alice had seen what my course of action would be. "We must…" I was unable to finish my sentence.

Carlisle pulled away, leaving his hand on my shoulder to reassure me. "Edward, we are your family, we will do whatever you decide," he spoke. "Alice told us of the vision she saw." _Edward, son, are you sure this is the right decision? Can you leave? Can you live without Bella?_ I knew these words were something he didn't want to share, not in front of my dear mother. Esme wouldn't be able to handle the truth.

I looked at Carlisle, staring into his eyes. I could give him no answer. I could not even attempt a simple gesture as Esme would see it. But I didn't have to send a gesture to Carlisle. He knew me too well. He had created me in this life. I watched as his eyes fought back the pain, Carlisle wouldn't want to me to know how I was hurting him. Esme took my hand in her hand. She squeezed. The smile on her face was obviously forced. "We are a family, Edward, and we will be there to help you," she spoke. Dear Esme was trying hard to keep a good front for me. I knew it was tearing her apart inside, knowing what was about to approach.

"Jasper?" I asked. I knew if I listened, quit blocking the thoughts I was hearing, then I would know where Jasper was. I was trying hard not to hear his thoughts. I didn't know if I could bear it.

Carlisle glanced to Esme then back to me. "Jasper is upstairs. He wont let anyone in to the room. Not even Alice has ventured in there. She is with Emmett and Rose in the study," he answered.

I nodded my head as if to let him know I understood and I made my way upstairs. I knew I needed to speak with all of my siblings, especially Jasper. I walked in to where Emmett and Rosalie and Alice were sitting. All of them were quiet, not moving. Their statue poses would have fooled most. They looked like mannequins on display. Not blinking, not breathing, just staring into the distance. "Edward," Alice spoke softly, standing away from her chair. She came over to me, throwing her arms around me. I could tell that if we weren't so unchanging, so immortal, Alice have been in a fit of tears. "I'm sorry. Jasper is sorry. I know it. I saw…"

I hugged Alice. Alice was the only of my siblings that truly knew all the feelings I felt for Bella. I had been more honest with her than with the others, than with myself, about how I felt early on about Bella. Her persistence, her visions had made it more than impossible for me to continue staying away from her. I watched in Alice's mind the vision that she had while I was taking Bella home. I saw myself telling Bella that I wouldn't be staying and that she couldn't go with me. The others had left already. _We will be fine, Edward, I saw it. But do you really not want me to keep a watch for Bella's future? _Alice thought to me.

I nodded slightly, saying nothing. I didn't want Alice to watch Bella, I didn't want Bella's life to be complicated. If I didn't exist to her, the least I could do was to try and not live my existence obsessed. I had to do the same for her that I was going to insist she do for me. "So this is it?" Emmett asked. I could feel, hear the distaste in his words. Emmett had grown to love Bella as a little sister. He didn't want to leave. Forks was the one place we could somewhat live a normal life and because of me they were going to have to leave it behind. "The end of the road."

"Emmett, I'm sorry," I said. "Its my fault. I know you liked it hear." I looked to Rosalie. I could see the anger building in her. She wasn't thinking anything too loud, was controlling her thoughts around me. "Rose, I'm sor…"

Rosalie held up one hand, cutting off my sentence. "Please, Edward, I don't want to hear your apologies," she croaked at me. I knew she hadn't liked the idea of my being with Bella, she had hated me for it. She had been jealous, worried all at the same time. She was jealous I would choose a human over her, worried that I would expose our family as to what we are, bring down wrath upon us. "And don't try to read my thoughts, its not what you think." Her voice was full of disgust.

I grew angrier at Rosalie than I had thought I would. "Rosalie, please do not start tonight, not tonight of all nights."

Emmett looked up to me and the look on his face was one I had never saw. Rosalie stood. "Edward, you risked her life! I may not agree with the relationship that you have chosen to have with a human, risking all of us, but you risked her!" Rosalie's words shocked me. I had known she would be angry over the risk I had exposed us to, outing us to what we are, but Bella's life. "Our family protects, preserves human life, and you brought Bella here knowing that simple incident couldn't ruin it for all, for everybody. And now, because of your selfish ways, we all have to leave Forks, a place we enjoy being, where we can somewhat be normal. All because Jasper cant control himself around the humans! All of this is your fault, Edward! I don't blame Jasper, I blame you! You almost caused Jasper to kill Bella. If you hadn't insisted on dating a human, bringing her around here, we could have avoided all of this!"

Rosalie's words hurt to the core. The words stung, making every part of me break. Rosalie was right. It was all my fault. I wanted so bad to blame Jasper for lacking the control the rest of us possess, but how could I? I knew our nature, I knew Bella's smell. I was the tempter, the greatest of all. I was a terrible monster. I had brought Bella around our family, knowing the draw her blood could bring. I had caused all of this. It was too late to undo anything, but maybe, possibly, I could fix it, save us, save Bella. I watched Rosalie and Emmett stalk out the door. Rosalie being upset with me didn't bother me. I had grown use to that over the course of my relationship with Bella. Rosalie and her tenacity. I sighed and looked to Alice, who nodded once again. I hadn't had to ask. I knew she had already seen it.

I crept at human pace down the hallway to Jasper's room. Well, to the room he shares with Alice. I knocked ever so lightly. "Jasper, can I come in?" I asked.

I could hear Jasper's thoughts, feel his emotions. I felt a surge of panic, anger with himself. His thoughts were all over. "Sure," he responded.

I opened the door and went inside. I shut the door behind me, knowing that it was useless as the others would hear our conversation anyway. I thought with the door shut, it would make it easier on the both of us. If one of the others passed, at least we wouldn't have an audience. "Jasper, don't be upset with yourself. I'm not," I said. "Not anymore."

My mind was telling me to deny any animosity that I had felt, but knowing Jasper, he would know and would want the truth anyway. Jasper was sitting on a sofa, head in his hands, facing the window. He finally turned to look at me, doing so slowly. He looked to me, his eyes darkened from thirst. "Edward, I didn't mean to," he started explaining. "I tried terribly hard to deny it. I smell their scents all the time, and I want them. My throat is always aflame. Usually I can just think of Alice, my life with Alice, and I can overcome it. But when I smelled the fresh blood…"

I had heard his thoughts when he was on the attack. I had even felt his thirst, coupled with my own. I knew that he too would have felt both of them. I had known what it was like. But for Jasper, he wasn't in love with Bella and giving to his instincts wouldn't have had the same consequence as it would have for me. I could fight the scent, the thirst, because of the love I feel for her. The same love I would use to walk away. I would have to walk away because of my love for her. "Jas, I know, I know," I tried to reassure him. Carlisle had known I would be the only one Jasper wouldn't listen to. "Its not your fault, Jasper. Its not your fault what we are, what our instincts are. Its all my fault and I don't want you to blame yourself anymore."

Jasper looked at me, his voice deepened. "No, Edward, it is not your fault. Its nobody but my own. Look at Carlisle. He can be exposed to blood, he is everyday that he works in the emergency room. He refrains every day. And, me, I couldn't this one time. If you hadn't been there…Its not your fault, Edward. It was you who stopped me."

I could hear the desperation in my brother's voice. He didn't want me to blame myself for something that weighed so heavily on his conscience. But still, it weighed on mine too. The guilt was apparent as I watched Jasper shift. "It is, Jasper. I exposed Bella to us. She wouldn't have been here if I could have made myself stay away from her. If I could have not been so selfish, wanting her to be mine. It is my fault, Jasper."

Jasper shifted, "No, Edward. I will not allow you to blame yourself for my actions." I shrugged my shoulders. I wouldn't argue with him, not with the state he was in. There wasn't any use to argue. I knew that Jasper and I would be feeling the same feelings regardless. He as a result of his emotion gift, myself because of my mind-reading. We would have to learn to deal with it. "This is not your fault. I feel terrible. And I heard the others talking. Are you sure?"

I knew, I heard Jasper's thoughts. He didn't want to state the obvious. He didn't have to. "I don't see any other way. I cant give Bella a normal life. I had thought I could protect her, but I cant. I cant protect her from what we are. Its not safe for her, and its not safe for us. I cant be selfish. We have to leave, Jasper. Its truly the only way." Jasper's eyes moved to the floor. I felt sadness, grief overcome me. "Jasper, its not your fault. Regardless, we would have to leave in a couple more years anyway. We can't keep the façade up forever in one place. Its time to move on. Its best to do so now."

The knock at the door came. _Edward, I see Bella waking soon. Can I at least tell her goodbye and can I come in now? _Jasper looked up to me. "Yes, Alice, you can come in now," he spoke.

I shook my head, denying Alice the chance to speak with Bella. This was the only way. We needed to just leave. The sooner the better and without all the formalities. I would speak to Bella and tell her goodbye.

My thoughts snapped back into the present at the sound of the mountain lion moving. I had only been distracted from the present for less than thirty seconds, the memories flooding back faster than I had wanted or would have cared for. The flames lit my throat. I had done little of anything in the couple weeks since leaving Forks, rarely venturing out for anything, even hunting. I felt the struggle beneath me as I landed on the mountain lion, my teeth over the precise point on the cat's neck. I needed a plan. I needed to do something to take Bella from my mind. Did a plan as such even exist and even be possible? I would have to try. I had to for my sake and for Bella's. I would have to protect her the only way I knew how now. I had to pretend she didn't exist, just as it would be for her. Did she feel like I hadn't existed now? Had my love, my reason I existed, forget me yet? The unending darkness of my existence had begun. I couldn't imagine ever seeing the daylight I once did when I held my love in my arms. With that thought, I hoisted myself and ran deep into the forest, bounding nowhere, somewhere.


	2. Nowhere

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Two**

**Nowhere**

Leaving Bella behind, I couldn't find any solace in going with my family. They had fled Forks before I had. They had wanted me to join them desperately. Even Rosalie had called and pleaded with me, not a small feat for her. I hated destroying my family, hurting Carlisle and Esme, but I couldn't face being with anyone. I wanted to be alone, alone and nowhere in particular. I had bid them my farewell and encouraged them to go elsewhere, to get settled and be happy without me. I promised that once I had dealt with my emotional problems and I had begun to heal, I would return. I would someday join them again. They all had been understanding, encouraging me to get myself in a better state. Home would always be with them. I agreed solemnly. I had difficulties agreeing as I didn't feel home would be anywhere without Bella. Without my Bella, there was no home for me anywhere.

I found myself wandering slowly north after having roamed several weeks, going nowhere, doing nothing of any accord. The closer I found myself to Mount Rainer, the harder the pull was toward Forks. I couldn't go, could I? I had decided I would take the long journey around Seattle, possibly visit Forks if I could get up the courage. I ran as hard as I could toward Tacoma, then to Seattle. I had allowed myself to get as far as Port Angeles when I could hear my inner demons calling to me. _Are you so selfish, Edward, that you would put her at risk once again? You haven't been around her scent in weeks. You will crave it once more. Must you be selfish. Must you go back there to destroy her once again? _"I will not destroy Bella," I said to myself allowed. "I can't. Without her living, without her safe, I couldn't be."

I turned on my heels just as fast as I had started toward Forks. I had to get out of there. I decided I would head farther north. I tousled the idea of Denali around in my head but there was no way in the situation I was in that I was prepared to deal with Tanya. Tanya was truly a good person, but her thoughts of me, they were not the kind I would want to hear from anyone. Visiting Eleazar, Carmen, Kate, and Irina could probably lift my spirits greatly. A talk with Eleazar would be almost as good as a talk with Carlisle. His Carmen was nearly as welcoming and kind as Esme. Visiting our 'cousins' would definitely lift my spirits. But I knew I couldn't. Tanya had always made it quite known to me and to the others that her interest that she had in me was not pure. It was quite opposite. I didn't return her feelings and I had once was practically forced by her to admit it, but she still didn't relent. Even knowing I was in love with someone else would not halt Tanya. Not really. She would pretend but she would still be sure that she could one day capture my heart. Not a chance and it wasn't a battle that I wanted her to start fighting now. I wouldn't be going to Denali.

I made my way into Canada, running at full speed. I jumped along the treetops, hiding from any human that could possibly see me, which was highly unlikely. The speed at which I was running would leave a blur to the human eye. I would be like a bullet flying past, not visible. I still couldn't take any chances. The sunlight was out bright, beaming down below. I could see my skin sparkling, the reflection of myself on the drops of dew that lined the leaves of the limbs I was running on. It had been a day similar to that day that I had taken Bella to the meadow, our meadow, as we came to call it. I had shown myself to Bella that day. I had thought, had even hoped, that if Bella saw the real monster, the real Edward Cullen, she would be scared of me, run for her life. Bella had that day, like every other time I had been sure of a response from her, had surprised me. She didn't respond like most would. I had often questioned her self-preservation senses.

I had begun to even believe she was lacking in them.

I stopped along the treetops, basking in the glow of the sun. I looked down at my hands. The millions of facets, glimmering, almost speaking to me. Bella had not been afraid of me that day in the meadow. Had not been scared by my speed or my strength. She had thought that my skin, the skin of a murderous monster, was beautiful. We sat as she touched my skin, mesmerized by its splendor. I brought my hand to the opposite forearm, touching my arm in the spots where Bella had touched it that day, that day that now seemed like another lifetime ago. I looked at my palms just as she had, the sparkling reflecting around me. The thoughts of Bella in the meadow were rushing back, faster than I could comprehend. I had promised her that day I would not hurt her. I had swore to her that I wouldn't. I had made myself a liar. I had hurt her in more ways than one. I had almost allowed her to be killed. I had failed as her protector. I had told her I would stay until she wanted me to leave or until it was necessary that I leave her. I stayed longer. I stayed too long, almost costing Bella her life. I could feel the pressure building in my body. The guilt was so strong. I felt my chest heaving. It was like existing without blood to satiate my thirst. I felt the utterly useless. I had been Bella's protector and I had let her down. I was nothing now. I was just the monster I had been since 1918. Could an immortal have an anxiety attack? That had to be what one felt like. My legs wanted to give way underneath me. I had told Bella I would never harm her and I hadn't physically. But I knew I had hurt her emotionally. I saw it in her eyes when I told her I didn't want her anymore. But she had believed me so readily! I knew that she still didn't think she belonged with me, that I deserved better. How could I have never made her known differently? Bella was more than I deserve. I would never be worthy of her!

I began to move lower into the treetops as the sun began to set. I found myself just south of Vancouver. I hadn't a clue where I plan to go. I was just moving around, not allowing myself any time to get too comfortable in any one place. As the sun set, I decided I would walk around downtown Vancouver. I hadn't an idea of what to do other than walk the streets, visit areas I hadn't been to in over five decades. I found a bookstore that appealed to me. I needed new reading material. I hadn't bought many books since I had dated Bella as my new pastime had went from reading books to watching her sleep. Watching Bella sleep had fascinated more than I could make her understand. I had once told her that I was fascinated, mesmerized by watching her sleep. In Bella's words, she dazzled me when she slept. Her perfection was heightened when she slept as every part of her was relaxed, mind included. I would watch her turn from side to side, kicking her covers, talking aloud. It all fascinated me. I hadn't been a human in so long that I couldn't remember any bit of sleeping. I sat beside her each night, wishing to be able to experience just one more time what it would be like to lay down, leave all of the day's events and troubles behind you as you drift off into sleep. Experiencing it through Bella would have to be the closest I had come to doing so in the ninety years since I had been changed.

I walked into the bookstore, a small family-owned business, which to my surprise had a large collection of books. I thumbed through the shelves, grabbing a few copies of books that I had once owned. I had gotten to an aisle that was dedicated to the works of Shakespeare. I knew I needed out of the store at the moment I saw his name in large, bold letters hanging above this aisle. I once again, couldn't pull myself away from the forbidden. I knew that by doing so it wouldn't help the current situation I was in but I couldn't refrain from picking up a copy of Romeo and Juliet. I couldn't stop myself. I would have to get a new copy someday anyway, right? Might as well be today.

I found a few other books to escape the present with and walked toward the counter. I had placed the books there and waited patiently for a cashier to come assist me. Impatience grew so I finally rang the bell. I heard a lady's voice call out, telling me she would be right with me. I couldn't help but let the chuckle escape my throat as I heard her thoughts. _Yea, yea, rush me. See what kind of price you get on these books, mister. Oh my…_Her thoughts ended mid sentence when she came around the corner and I came into view. Bella was always insisting I dazzled others, but I hadn't really ever paid any attention to it. Rosalie, Emmett, they would of course know if they were dazzling others, it would be the effect they would be trying to achieve. I really cared nothing about what anyone other than Bella thought. Still, I couldn't help but laugh at the cashier. Her face turned bright red as she came around the counter. Obviously, she thought I was laughing at her and she was right. I heard her tally up my total, when I finally looked up at her. I had been fidgeting with a string dangling from my jacket and hadn't looked at her. I was staring into chocolate brown eyes. I blinked twice, handing more than enough money to the cashier. "Keep the change," was all I could say. Her eyes sent me into a trance, a trance that I was with Bella in. I walked out of the shop with my bag in hand. I had been trying so hard to keep Bella out of my thoughts. I would have to try harder. It was the only way. I couldn't keep going around like this. The chocolate eyes of the lady in the store should not send me into a mess. They weren't even the same color as Bella's but it reminded me of her. Everywhere I went, I saw Bella, heard Bella. I could feel Bella next to me. How was I ever going to get passed this? Live with my decision?

I began to make my way through the streets of Vancouver as fast as I could. I would head out now, get to Seattle before morning. Seattle wouldn't be too close to Bella, would it? Would it possibly be too close, would I run into her there? I got to the edge of the forest when I smelled a familiar scent. My head jerked up, craning in all directions. I was listening, trying to find a familiar voice. Nothing was working. I didn't hear anything. I heard movement in the trees, probably twenty or so feet away, south of me. I turned, moving slowly and quietly, I walked. I couldn't risk flying at immortal speed. This close to the forest's edge may be a human, though the scent I smelled wasn't human. It was definitely immortal. I just couldn't place what immortal. It had been nothing unusual for our kind to run into others often. From time to time, every place we had ever taken up residence, our coven had come into contact, crossed paths with others, with nomads. It was through this crossings that we broaden our friendships, tell the story of how we abstain and refrain from feeding on humans. Its crossing the paths of others that we try to make a difference, help get other immortals away from terrorizing the humans as their food source.

I moved further into the forest, the scent become stronger the further I went in. I looked all around me, preparing myself for whatever may come. I knew that there was another immortal somewhere here, somewhere nearby. I recognized the scent, I had come across it before, but there was something different about it here. Something was missing. I moved along the forest floor, looking. Even though darkness had set in, my immortal eyes were not tampered. I could see just as clearly as if it had been daylight. The scent seemed to be drifting higher than I. The scent was not on forest floor level. I propelled myself into a nearby tree, stalking from treetop to treetop. I picked up my speed, keeping all my surroundings in check. I felt like I was tracking whatever smell I was being bombarded with. A floral scent. Not as floral and nowhere nearly as sweet as Bella's but none the same, it was still a floral scent. I felt my body move faster as the smell grew stronger. I would find the owner of the scent. Why? I couldn't help but ask myself why I was chasing after this scent so definitely. I could feel my body propelling faster, farther. It wouldn't be much longer. I could hear a faint voice in the distance. The immortal had to be within a few miles. I couldn't hear the thoughts just a murmur. It was nearly like listening to Bella's father's thoughts. His thoughts usually were a muffled sound. I often had wondered if it was something in Bella's genetic makeup, a gift of some type, that she possessed that kept her mind hidden from me. In all the decades since my change, Bella had been the only one who I could not hear her thoughts. I had always been able to until I met her. Her father's thoughts were sometimes limited for me, at times I could hear all of this thoughts, then other times I couldn't hear at all. I had been curious to meeting Bella's mother. I often wondered and theorized with Carlisle would I be able to hear Renee's thoughts. I had tried on occasion to pick up her thoughts when Bella spoke to her over the phone but there had always been a distraction for me and I hadn't had the opportunity to focus…and I guess I never would now.

The scent I had been smelling was really feeling my nostrils now. I didn't even need to take a breath in to smell it. I could smell it invading my senses. I had bounded from one tree to the next, landing on an upper branch when I heard the snarl. The sound was coming from branch lower than me. I still couldn't hear any thoughts, but I could hear the snarl. I lowered myself down further. If Carlisle or Esme knew I was embarking into the path of an angry immortal, they would scold me like a child. I knew that I was putting myself in the path to an argument by breeching into an upset immortal's territory, but my curiosity was taking over me. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is what I needed. I needed to put myself at risk just as Bella had every time I had brought her into the midst of my family. Maybe this would equal to what I had done to her. Perhaps this is how I could repay my penance.

I lowered myself onto the branch, baring my teeth. If I was going to be snarled out, I should be ready to show that I could hold my own. I could hear the hissing coming from below, growing louder and louder as I made my approach. I had reached the bottom branch, still hearing the deep, throaty snarls coming from nearby. I dropped down onto the forest floor, landing without a small thud. Again, another snarl. This time, it was my own surprise, the snarl was coming from my throat. My instincts were kicking in. I was getting angry. I saw a small movement of a branch, less than ten feet from me. I glanced in the direction and I finally caught the stare of the immortal that had led me on this chase. Blowing in the wind, leaves and small stems sticking out from it, red hair was waving. I knew this immortal. I hadn't recognized the scent definitively because the only other time I had smelled it, the scent had been mixed in with two others. Victoria's eyes widened at the sight of me. I dropped into my hunting crouch, letting the snarl rip through my chest. It had been Victoria's dear James' obsession that had nearly cost me my Bella. She had played a large role in helping James track Bella. She had gone to the school, to Forks High School, and gathered the necessary information that James used to persuade Bella to sneak away from Jasper and Alice. My snarl grew louder, my lips pulling back from my teeth, exposing them. Victoria let out a large snarl herself, and then her lips relaxed. Her teeth were no longer exposed, she stood up, relaxing from her own crouch. A smile, a wicked smile spread across her face. She had let her guard down. I could hear her thoughts, causing my body to cringe. _An eye for an eye, a mate for a mate. You have left your beloved alone? Ah, yes. What luck! _She snarled again. _So protective of a little human. Though, she did smell good. But you, you are so protective but you left her alone. She isn't here with you, or I would smell her. Ah yes, you have left her all alone. You took mine away from me, its only fair that I take your mate. Its only fair. _

My eyes began to narrow. "No, you won't Victoria, no you won't!" The snarl that ripped through my throat was the loudest I had ever heard. My body threw forward toward Victoria, but she managed to move just in time. My body slammed into the tree that Victoria had been standing under, causing it to fall, landing with a large boom against the forest floor. I watched as she began to bound away from me, trying hard to outrun me. She turned to look at me as she bounded. The look on her face was that of a thrilling expression. Victoria was enjoying herself, enjoying the chase. I began to run after her even harder, fast as I could possibly move, but she managed to evade me. Every moment, every time I came within reach, she would ease just an inch in the right direction. I chased her for miles, until she dived into the Pacific Ocean. Once she was in the sound, I was unable to smell her scent. I lost her. My mind replayed her thoughts. I would not allow her near Bella. I would destroy her first. I looked down and opened my phone. "Carlisle, I ran into a little bit of problem," I spoke into the phone. "I know what I have to do. And I will do it."

My father's voice on the other end began solemn. "Would you like for me to send Jasper or Emmett? Alice even?" He asked.

My head wrapped around his suggestion for less than a second. I couldn't involve my family any more than I already had. I had already taken enough from them. I had caused them to have to leave the home they loved, the town they enjoyed living in. "No, Carlisle, that wont be necessary," I answered. I thought for a few more seconds and continued. "This is something I must take care of myself. I must do this on my own. I just wanted you to be aware. For all of you to be on the lookout. She's angry with me. I read her mind, I heard her thoughts. She feels I am entirely responsible for James' death. She wants revenge on me. She doesn't see anything wrong that he chased Bella."

"Okay, son." I could hear the weariness in Carlisle's face. Esme was next to him, her eyes begging for the information he was getting. " You know, we will always be here when you are ready."

A small grin crept across my face only to change to a grimace. I had let everyone down. I had to repay it. I had to make it right. "Thanks," I managed as I hung up the phone. I knew what I had to do. I had to find Victoria.


	3. Decisions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Three**

**Decisions**

The guilt, the regret of not having paid more attention to Victoria's thoughts when I first met James, she, and Laurent sickened me. If it was possible for an immortal to become sick, I would be the epitome of it now. My thoughts raced as I left the forest, made my way back into Vancouver. I would have to ditch the car I had been driving the past few weeks. It had been weeks since I had left Forks. I had thought that by leaving, by allowing Bella to move on in her human life, I would be making the best of all decisions that I had ever made. Had I been wrong? My heart, my love had been left with Bella. I was willing to live a bleak existence to give Bella what I thought she needed. Was I wrong? Now listening to Victoria's mind, I felt as if the danger I had tried to take away, to rid Bella of, was somehow now worse with my disappearance. I wouldn't be there if Victoria showed up. She would kill Bella, and I knew it wouldn't be painless. Victoria was set on avenging James.

That first meeting with James, Victoria, and Laurent had been misleading. They had purposefully allowed us to believe Laurent was leading their coven. That it was his coven. The words Laurent spoke when he visited my family's home replayed in my head. He had never saw anyone like James. The hunt was his obsession. It was his game. I had defeated him at his own game with the help of my siblings. We had destroyed James. He had left us no choice. I would have given my own existence to protect Bella. I had been so preoccupied with James' mind, listening to his thoughts, figuring him out when we were in the clearing that I hadn't noticed, I hadn't heard. Victoria was his mate and she wanted me to suffer as she did. She wasn't in this game for me as I had thought. I had truly thought she would come after me, and she was, just not as I had thought. Victoria had made her mind up to kill Bella. She wanted me to feel the pain that I had caused her when James was demolished.

I felt the shutters run up my spine at the thought of Bella trying to defend herself against Victoria. Her eyes, pleading for help that wouldn't come. I swallowed hard as the venom filled my mouth. I wouldn't allow it. I would have to make a decision, a decision on how to plan my course of action. I had to come up with a plan to safe Bella. It was the least I could do. I owed it to her. I had brought Bella into this supernatural world that she otherwise would have believed to be legend only. I had introduced her to the sentient creature that was now on a rampage. If it hadn't been for me, my world and Bella's world would not have collided. If I could have been stronger, strong enough to stay away from her, to leave her alone, Bella wouldn't be risking her life. She had repeatedly denied that mere fact. She had thought I had to take all the risks, make sacrifices to be with her. My Bella had never understood that she was risking the most important thing that could ever be taken away, her life.

I went into the cabin I had been renting and cleared out all of my belongings in less than ninety seconds. I hadn't really been doing anything in the house other than reading, so there was very little belongings that I would recover. It hadn't been clothing or books that I had come after anyway. Those things could be and would be easily replaced. The item I was more concerned with happened to be what was in one of the books. I took out the picture of Bella that I had taken with me. I had removed all things from her sight in her bedroom, I had promised her that I would make it as if I hadn't existed. I had placed all things that would remind her of me away from where her human eyes would look. I had hidden them in the floorboards. I hadn't been so sure with my choice of hiding places at first, Bella's observing skills had yet to cease to amaze me. She had always been more observant than I had given her credit for. I had tried my hardest to erase all reminders of me from her life, from her physical and visual life. I had not done the same for myself. I took her picture out of the book I had placed it in for safekeeping. Her glowing eyes, those chocolate brown eyes that had captivated me. If Jasper had been in the vicinity near me, he would have crumbled with the emotions I was feeling. The tearless sobbing came out of nowhere. I had hurt her, hurt the reason that had become my existence. I had lied to her, left her. I would have to protect her. I rubbed my thumb as gentle as possible across her face. "I will protect you, Bella. I will keep you safe," the words left my throat roughly.

I snapped the book together and darted out the door. I threw what I had acquired from the house into a back and threw it into the seat next to me. I slammed the accelerator so hard that I had almost certainly bent it. The chrome of the pedal had bent. I could feel the texture, the shape bent beneath my foot. The human façade was hard to maintain when the feelings that were coursing through my body were so illicit. The feelings of immortals were always much stronger than imaginable. I had to get a grip.

I ditched the car somewhere north of Seattle. I carried the pack on my back, running as fast as I could. I was lucky that it was dark. I didn't want to think of the fury that I would feel from Rosalie if I had gone out in the daylight, running at vampire speed. She would definitely go out on another tangent about the risky actions I had been displaying. I felt the vibrating sensation in my pocket as I got closer to Port Angeles and then heard the ringing of the small cell phone I was carrying in my pocket. Carlisle's name was on the screen. I knew if I continued to run, he would hear the wind. I didn't want to explain to my father why I wasn't driving. His suspicion would arouse if I told him where I was. I didn't relish the thought of lying to him, but I knew I couldn't tell him the truth of where I was, where I was headed. I stopped, taking in my surroundings before I flipped open the phone. "Carlisle," I spoke.

"Edward," he spoke. "Where are you? Have you spotted Victoria yet?"

I knew that Carlisle was calling because of the worry he and Esme were feeling. I could hear his thoughts. "I am fine, Carlisle," I answered his thoughts. "I'm just going over a game plan in my head, drawing out the way I plan to proceed. I must find Victoria. I'm going to give hand to trying to track her. I have to find her. She plans to kill Bella."

Carlisle grew silent on the other line. I could see through his thoughts that Esme and the others were seated with him. Concern was written over all their faces. It was Jasper's face that caught my surprise. He was visibly shaken still by all the events that had occurred. I was too far away to hear his thoughts and without him being directly on the phone, I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't turn off my gift, but it did have its limitations. _I would rather not speak of all the details regarding Victoria with everyone just yet, Edward. I would rather know what your plan, what you are going to do, before I address it. Are you sure you don't want some help? _Carlisle and I had perfected our silent communication in the early years of our companionship. "Son, please let us know if you need anything. Will you be coming home soon?"

Carlisle grew quiet once again, waiting for my response. "I understand and I agree. I'm not exactly sure other than I plan to go after her. I will find her and destroy her. She will not hurt Bella. I've hurt her enough to last a lifetime. I want to do this alone. It's the only way I can think right now."

"Yes son, I will tell them," Carlisle said just before he hung up.

I slapped the phone together and stared down at it. I wanted nothing more to dial Bella's number, knowing that if she answered, I wouldn't be able to speak. But what I would give to hear her voice, to know that she was okay. I had wished I hadn't told Alice to not watch for her future. I knew Alice would take my command seriously and had been avoiding anything that pertained to Bella. I wanted so bad to know if she was okay. That she was coping. _Come on, Edward. Do you really think it would be that hard for her? You really sure she would be acting as your are over her? Maybe she is stronger than you. Maybe she is just fine without you. Perhaps her life is back to what it was before you came along and ruined it for her. _I had heard the inner voice before, had heard it a lot more since I left Bella. Maybe it was right. Maybe she wasn't having the same hard time I was.

My legs moved faster and faster as I continued on. I didn't know what I was going to do, how I would even begin to track Victoria, but I would have to start somewhere. I would find her. She knew where Bella lived, knew more about Bella than I would have liked. Bella would fall for her tricks just as she had James. I saw the picture playing out in my head. Victoria calling Bella just as James had. She would tell Bella an elaborate story, using one of Bella's parents as the ploy. She would lure Bella out and kill her. She would torture her and drain the life from her body, the life I would do anything to protect. I was going to do everything to protect. I would give myself in her place. I had said it before, Bella not understanding, I don't believe entirely, that I couldn't live without her. If Victoria destroyed Bella, I would find a way to take myself from this world. I knew my brothers wouldn't help me but I'm sure I could find another immortal who would. I would find someway. I could live as long as Bella was living. She could go on with her human life, become a wife to another, have a child, as long as she was safe, happy, content, I could survive. But without her safety, her humanity intact, Bella living, I couldn't, I wouldn't go on.

My legs surged faster and faster until I reached the edge of the forest. It was the middle of the night and I didn't worry that someone might see me. Not in this little town. I stepped out along the edge and there stood the sign I had never thought I would want to see again. Welcome to Forks. I had made it back to Forks. If my family, Rosalie especially, knew that I was here, they would be furious. If Alice saw it coming, she wouldn't speak of it. I had told my little pixie sister to tell nobody nothing of what she saw from me until I told her otherwise. I didn't know where or what I would end up doing. I didn't want my family to hurt anymore. I had already caused a division amongst them by running away. It was my family pitted against one another. Rosalie being the odd man out along with Emmett, who would forever and no matter what stand behind his Rose. Carlisle and Esme wanted me to return as did Alice and Jasper, but Rose wanted me to stay gone a bit longer, until some of her anger for me lessened. I couldn't tell them, none of them, what I was up to this night.

I went along the forest's edge, checking along the way that nobody was around. I was sniffing out scents all around. I wouldn't forget Victoria's scent. Not ever. I felt my body relax as I didn't pick up the faintest hint of her scent. Not anywhere near Bella's house. As approached, I saw Bella's ancient truck sitting in the drive. Charlie's car was in its usual spot. I knew it was late and they would be sleeping. I could hear Charlie's snores from where I was standing across the road, still at the forest's edge. All the lights were off. I had to check on her. My body was propelling itself toward her window before I could regain enough self control to stop me. The window was unlatched, just as it had been every night after I had come clean to Bella that I would come inside and watch her sleep. The aching came into my chest once again. I no longer came here, no longer held my Bella while she slept. My mind was trying hard to talk me away from that window, but nothing. I couldn't help myself. I brought myself just inside the window, enough to catch a glimpse of Bella. I wouldn't dare actually enter. Bella was in her bed, sleeping. Her back was to the window. I couldn't get a small glimpse of her face as I had hoped for. I could hear her heart beating. Her scent was like a thousand flames alit in my throat. I had gotten use to the smell of her blood with all the time I had spent with her, but now, now it hit me just as it had on our first meeting. My self control didn't falter. I wouldn't, couldn't even thinking of harming this angel I loved as I had once thought of doing. I could hear Charlie stirring in his sleep. "I'm sorry, Bella," I murmured, inaudibly to the human ear. Bella wouldn't know that I had ever came near. She wouldn't hear the words I had spoke.

I hit the forest within ten seconds of having looking in on Bella. Knowing she was safe, safe in her bed, I could continue on with what I had to do. I ran the perimeters around her house, checking for any signs of Victoria. Nothing. I ventured deep into the forest, being sure to be careful not the cross any of the treaty lines that Carlisle had long ago laid out with the Quileute. I couldn't take any chances there. I was sure, with Charlie being friends with some of the elders, that they knew we had left. If I should cross one of them near the treaty line, it would set the town talking and Bella would be sure to know that I had been in town. I didn't want her to get the wrong impression. I had come to check on Bella, for her own good and mine. I had to know she was safe. My mission was accomplished. I was getting closer to the treaty line when I picked up the scent. I could smell Victoria's scent. I began to follow it. It was faint. The strong was not fresh, not as fresh as I would have liked. The fresher would have put me being closer into the vicinity of where she would be. It was hours old. The time I had taken to get my things, to ditch the car, had given her a head start on me. I should have known that when she saw me, that I would put it all together when she didn't come after me, that she would take off to where she planned to go. Victoria must have come straight for Bella. But still, something was off. Her scent hadn't made it close to Bella's house. But then again, the forest just away from Bella's was too close for my own comfort. From where I picked up the scent to Bella's house, was a matter of a minute for an immortal. She had been so close but turned?

My nostrils flared as I smelled a familiar scent, a scent I had smelled in the past. A scent I hadn't imagined I would ever smell again. It was the scent of a werewolf. Maybe a few werewolves. I continued to follow the smells of Victoria and the wolves. I had thought that all of the wolves had long since been gone, but was I wrong? Or perhaps there was new ones now. I wasn't sure, but I knew it was the most treacherous stink I had come across in many decades. I focused on Victoria's scent. It ran close to the treaty line, bounding from one side of the line to the next. The wolves smell was mixed in, the same age as Victoria's. Once the scent crossed the treaty line and didn't reappear, there was nothing else I could do. From the best guess that I could come up with, Victoria had probably fled into the sound, knowing her scent wouldn't be traceable. The wolves wouldn't have been able to go in with her, it would have been impossible for them to swim the distance and the speed they would need to stay with her.

I gradually made my way back into the forest. I sat with my phone in my hand. Laurent had helped our family once and he was now staying with our Denali family. Would he help us now? Maybe since he had been with Victoria for so long he could give me information on the way she worked. I needed something to go on. I would have to do all that I could, track her as hard as I could possibly do. I would not allow her to get near Bella. I would do whatever it took. I flipped the phone back and forth between my hands. "Tanya, its Edward," I said as she answered the phone."Oh, EDWARD!" she exclaimed. I could hear her thoughts. I had no time for these games.

"Tanya, is Laurent present?" I asked.

I could hear the disappointment in Tanya's thoughts, realizing that I wasn't making a social call to her. Tanya and I had been good friends for many years, but our relationship had been strained in recent years as I wouldn't give in to her wishes. I didn't care for Tanya than in any way other than platonic. It had been hard for me to make her grasp that concept. She was always trying to get my attention. I could only imagine how she reacted when I had chosen a simple human girl over her. I was sure that her reaction mirrored that of my dear sister, Rosalie's. "I'm sorry, Edward," she answered. "Laurent isn't here. He left a few days ago. He is suppose to return." Her voice got whispered. "I don't think he is. Irina is pretty upset by it. They've grown…quite close. Edward," her words broke off momentarily. I watched through her thoughts as she walked toward another room. She was checking to see if Irina was present. When she had made sure that she wasn't, Tanya began again. "Kate and I disapproved of their relationship. We have this feeling, we sense that he hasn't truly accepted our way of life. Kate believes he slipped recently, but its hard to tell with him. His eyes hadn't had the time to change completely since he adopted our diet."

I hadn't believed that Laurent would change his eating habits permanently. Carlisle hadn't wanted to hear my accusations, but I had heard Laurent's mind. He wanted to visit our Denali, even give our diet a try, but he, like James, enjoyed the hunt. He enjoyed the feeling of taking over a human, draining the life from them. I hadn't believed he would truly change. He, however, I had to be thankful for him, as he was still partly good. Many of our family friends were wonderful immortals, feeding from humans, but still had wonderful hearts. Laurent had came to us and warned us of James, but I, unlike Carlisle, didn't believe he did this for our good, but for his own. We are a strong coven with many members. We would easily be able to defend our group against three nomads. I snapped out of my thoughts. "Thanks, Tanya," I said. My mind flickered to Eleazer and Carmen. "Uh, Tanya, could you please keep this call amongst ourselves?"

"Yea, sure," she agreed. "No problem. Everything okay, Edward?" Her voice was truly concerned.

"Uh, yea, everything will be just fine," I said. "Thanks, Tanya. You really are a good friend. I will speak with you again in the future."

I slid the phone back into my pants. I concentrated as hard as I could. I had to look for Victoria's voice. Once I found it, heard it, I would know where to start. And once I start, I would finish her. I would finish this monster who wanted to harm Bella.


	4. Desperate

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Four**

**Desperate**

RPOV

Trying not to eavesdrop on conversations had been difficult in my distance human remembers and doing so as an immortal was almost impossible. I could hear my brother telling our father his plan for the near future. I was so angry with him. I couldn't help myself. He had threatened, risked our entire family. It had been his actions that had put us at risk for exposure. Edward had even admitted to the human girl what we were. Not just what he was, but what we all were! I knew that he had been lonely, always just existing amongst all of us. I was sure that he had to get bored quite often with all of us doing activities together. Esme had always tried to include him in some form or another, but he had refused. Edward could have ended all of his angst if he would have just agreed to be with Tanya, but not Edward. Edward always had to do things his way. It was his way that made him appear desperate.

I had been the loudest about speaking my frustrations when Edward announced the issues he was having when Bella Swan moved to Forks. He had risked our entire being so that he could run amuck with this girl. I had initially felt my anger toward him, toward her, because it was she that he had chosen, not I. I would always and forever be happily in love with my Emmett, but it was still an assault on my ego. It hadn't taken me long to figure out that Carlisle had saved me hoping that Edward and I would develop a relationship like the one that he shared with Esme. It hadn't worked. Edward despised me and I couldn't say that I felt anything better than the same for him. But still. To think he wouldn't give me a second of the day yet he would put us all out to be ended for a human. I couldn't bring my mind to grasp it. I may embrace what I had become all those years ago, but I still didn't want to ended. I still wanted a normal life, a human life, but what life I had, I wanted to hold on to, protect. It was all I had left.

My anger toward Edward and Bella changed directions when I overheard one of their conversations. Bella was willing to give her humanity for this. I couldn't help but have a grudge toward her for that. None of us had chose this life, an existence filled with endless days and nights, never-ending, never changing. No hope of ever having a family that I could create with my own body. I envied her for having those chances yet she was more than willing to give up, to give it all up to be with Edward. I understand her want to be with the one she loved, but Edward had offered to stay with her, to be with her in her forever, until the day she left the Earth as it should be. I couldn't help but feel the anger, the near hatred rise in my body at the thought. I would have never chosen this life for myself and I would never choose it for someone else. Not ever. I was thankful for what existence I have, but there was still times, times when I saw a baby in its mother's arms in town, that I would begrudge what Carlisle had done for me.

I had promised our mother that I would do my very best to behave myself where Edward and Bella was concerned. Edward was certain that I loathed Bella, and with him mind-reading, I'm sure he knew why I behaved as I did around her. She had much of all the things I want for myself. Lungs that truly breathed and a heart that pump. Options for her future that I would never have. It had been at Bella's birthday party those few weeks ago that I realized how much she did in fact care for my brother. I had made a promise to myself that night, unbeknownst to any of the others, that I would try harder to be nicer to her. Bella had done nothing personally to myself, and I knew it was unfair how I treated her. It had not been her fault our family had become at risk, it had not been her fault that she came across James' coven. It had been Edward but even I couldn't blame him. I had carried Emmett more than a hundred miles back to Carlisle, refraining from drinking his blood, so that Carlisle could save him…save him for me. I could see the draw between Edward and Bella and it wasn't something they could help. They loved one another.

I had placed myself in between Jasper and Bella that fateful day that destroyed everything that our family had worked for, that had broken my brother…probably had broken Bella as well. I had smelled the blood just as Jasper had, but he was so new to our way, that the risk that I had once worried about came true. It wasn't the right time, if a time ever would be right, to tell Edward 'I told you so'. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Bella had cared enough for my brother that she had known that if any small thing could happen to put her in danger, it could happen in our home. Yet still, she had risked her self, her life, to be close to my brother. The anger I felt for the both of them for both reasons was hard for me to comprehend. I wanted to hate them but I knew it was wrong to hate them for what they couldn't help. Now, here our family was again. Starting over because of Jasper's mistake. I held no ill feelings toward Jasper, but I didn't have to like it. I had liked living in Forks. We were able to go somewhat about our existences as the humans did.

I bounded up the stairs in our family's new home. We had been through so many homes in my existence. It wouldn't be the first time I would have to get use to a new home, a new life. A new way of surviving. Emmett was intently playing a video game. My bear of a husband was always doing something childish. He was the most lovable creature I had ever met. I watched as his curls wisped around at the movements his body was making. Whatever game he was playing, he was imitating the moves with his body. I walked behind him and continued to watch him. I felt terrible for my brother. Watching Emmett, I couldn't imagine my existence without my mate. From the moment of our meeting, I knew he and I were meant to be. I had heard Carlisle and Esme as well as our Denali family members, Eleazar and Carmen, talk of how when an immortal finds there mate, it is permanent. There being changes. They had told both Edward and myself on many occasions that once an immortal finds their mate, its nearly unexplainable, indescribable. They had been right. I hadn't wanted to be away from Emmett since I found him. Emmett wasn't much different from me either. The way he loved was the way I loved. We had been compatible in almost every area possible. We had proven over the years to compliment one another greatly. We were so great together that we had destroyed several houses. I couldn't help but let out a silent chuckle.

The chuckle leaving my throat caught Emmett's attention. I hadn't spoken much, hadn't said too much at all, since we left Forks. I couldn't make out the feelings that I felt. I was angry, sad, anxious, upset…I was feeling so many things at once. "Its nice to hear you laugh," Emmett winked, turning away from the game that had preoccupied him.

I smiled bashfully, "Is that a fact?"

Emmett brought his strong arms around me, pulling me closer. "What's on your mind, Rosie?"

I loved our private moments we share, cherish them even. The others wouldn't believe how sweet Emmett could be. He was always unabashedly talking of our private life, taking great pride in the houses we destroyed, the loudness of our actions. But once we were alone, he became the sweet, romantic man that I knew him to be. I was sure that Edward and possibly Carlisle would know what Emmett was like behind closed doors. Edward's mind reading never allowed any of us to have total privacy and Carlisle had always had the knack for knowing what people's hearts were like underneath the exterior. He had known me. During the time that Carlisle had saved me, I had been known to be a bit snobbish, but Carlisle had seen that my heart was still in the right place. He had taken pity on me and saved me. "Edward."

I hadn't really had to answer. I was sure Emmett had known what was on my mind. "Ah, you miss the ole mind reader eh? I gots to say, hun, its nice not having my mind read all the time." Emmett's face fell as he saw the disgust I showed in my face at his words. I was only teasing…Well, halfway. "Seriously, Rose, he will be fine. He always is."

I nodded. "I just, I feel bad for him. I couldn't imagine walking away from you. I still don't agree with his relationship with a human, not when he has no plan to turn her. But he is my brother for all tense and purposes, and I hate to see him in pain. Our family is broken because he isn't here."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "Yea, I know."

"Do you think he will be okay?" I asked him. "I know you aren't exactly the type of guy that Edward is, I know you would be fine if it was you, but do you think Edward will be okay."

Emmett pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Now, Rosie, you know I couldn't go on without you. It wouldn't be worth existing without ya. But as for old Eddie, I don't know. I wish I could say I did, but I don't. You know, Jasper was glad he didn't continue with us. Said he was extremely depressed. Jasper said his emotions was like a rollercoaster, a bad one that you wanted off before you got on."

I steadied myself, looking into Emmett's face. "If we had been more supportive…"

Emmett cut me off. "You mean, if you had been…"

I shrugged, nodding in agreement, "Do you think the situation would have developed differently?"

"Rose, don't go blaming yourself for our leaving. That had nothing to do with you. I don't think if you would have been more supportive that would have stopped Bella from cutting herself and from Jasper nearly attacking her. However, you can take the blame for stopping it. You helped stop the attack. You helped get Jas out of there."

My head moved slightly, acknowledging Emmett trying to smooth the situation over. "I just wish he would come home."

The room grew quiet. Edward had been my brother longer than any of my other siblings. I had known of him before my change and had gotten to know him even more so after. He and I didn't always see eye to eye and I still couldn't agree with him dating a human, but I still felt sad for him. I didn't know if there was anything I could say or do to help him in all of this. I didn't even know where he was…none of us did.

**A/N **

**Okay, sorry this chapter wasn't as long as the first ones. I wanted to do a quick chapter in Rosalie's POV. I figured it would shed some light on what she was feeling during Edward's absence. Something I had thought of the firs time I watched New Moon but Im just now getting around to including it in one of my stories. So how is everyone liking this story so far? Should I keep going?**


	5. Author's Note

**A/N**

**Quick author's note. Sorry I haven't updated. I want to apologize for that! I've been working a lot and haven't had a chance to finish the chapter that I'm working on. I will try to have you something up by Monday. I cant promise as I am…wait for it….at The Official Twilight Convention in Raleigh, NC. ! But I promise to post asap!1**


	6. Trailing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Five **

**Trailing**

It had taken me several hours to finally find Victoria's thoughts. Her thoughts had been all over the place. I saw, I watched through her mind the display of events that had unfolded earlier. She had been running through the forest when she had encountered a werewolf. She ran as fast as she could, away from Forks. She had been coming for Bella. Victoria knew nothing of the treaty line that existed and when she crossed it, a large wolf, the size of a horse, appeared out of nowhere. The fear that she felt coursed through my mind. It had been terrifying for her. I felt the grin slowly spread across my face. She wouldn't going to return to Forks, not alone. She would get far away. The wolves may be our enemy but I had to be thankful for them this one time. I had to be. Their presence in the woods had protected Bella inadvertently. I had to be happy at that one thing.

I listened to her thoughts, following her by keeping her thoughts in the forefront of my mind. I couldn't afford to not keep her close as possible. I knew I was within a few miles of her. I knew that as that was the limitations of my gift. I would have to work harder at this tracking thing. During my rebellion years, I had somewhat tracked. I had listened for the thoughts around me, focusing in on the monstrous minds. I had never tried to track one individual. Perhaps with my special ability it would be easy for me, the key to trailing my prey.

I began to follow Victoria down the coastline. As the daylight would approach, she would take cover. I could tell by her thoughts that she was becoming sedentary. The sunlight posed a much greater risk than the need to continue her journey. I had managed in my ninety years to avoid areas of the world that had a lot of sunlight. The west coast, the southern west coast, had been an area that my family and I had managed to avoid much to the dismay of Alice and Rosalie. Alice and Rose both would love to be able to shop in LA instead of ordering their clothes, but it wasn't feasible that we would be able to ever venture out in the sunny land of Southern California. Victoria, like most nomads, lived almost as the legends of the vampire had been portrayed throughout the years on the silver screen. She did most if not all of her feeding during the nighttime, traveling as well. She went indoors or deep into forests during the daylight hours. I was trying my best to keep up with her, getting close to her only when I thought it may stop her feeding habits. I couldn't risk exposing myself trying to catch her, if that should happen, she would get away before I could destroy her. I had to be smart in the game I was playing. I was always trailing her, getting close enough to let her catch my scent if I could to stop her feedings. I wanted to save anyone that crossed her path if possible but I wouldn't risk Bella.

Victoria was shifting constantly, her mind and her body. She didn't appear to have any plan. She was moving in whatever direction she found herself wanting to turn in. I had chased her to northern California, back into Oregon, only for her to turn around and head south again. I was now following her through Yosemite National Park. I had made my plans according to where we ended up. I couldn't have asked for her to choose a better place for her to go. I knew that she was there hoping to find her prey, her humans to feed on as Yosemite was a park that avid hunters loved. I could hear her thoughts. She planned to stake out the park, find a lonesome hiker or camper and feed. She knew that she was being followed and she didn't care. From what I could tell, she had an ability to evade. I know the others would not believe me when I finally would tell them what I had learned, but perhaps that was the message Laurent had been trying to warn us of.. He had said that Victoria was to be watched just as James, that she was dangerous too. I hadn't given too much thought to her, as I had known James' mind and knew he was out for Bella. I shouldn't have been surprised that Victoria would be working with him, helping him.

I had needed the trip into the Yosemite. I hadn't fed in a couple of weeks, not really fed. I had tried on several occasions after leaving Bella but had given up all those times. I had went out a couple of weeks and fed off a small deer, disgusted with myself for wasting it as I didn't finish draining the poor creature. The poor creature had fought hard for its life, trying to defeat me, to stop me, but it had been impossible for it to do so. Carlisle and Esme would have been disappointed in me, tossing its carcass to the side, not finishing it as we had always done. We didn't relish killing any creature, but to sustain ourselves on animals was much more permissible to our beliefs than to feed on humans. Even still, we refused to waste the smallest of animals. All creatures were put here by the divinely above and we couldn't make sense of wasting any of those. My thirst had gotten strong over the past few days. It was becoming hard to control, my system needing the blood to keep me strong for the fight I had ahead. Victoria had managed to feed once without me getting close. I could see in her thoughts that she knew that I had a gift, but she didn't know what it was. She had thought I was like James, a tracker. She risked herself by feeding in the early morning hours. I had wanted greatly to stop her, but I couldn't risk exposing myself. If I exposed myself and was destroyed, Bella wouldn't have me to protect her. I may have left her, left her alone, but I was going to protect her to the best of my ability.

I turned myself over to my instincts to the best of my abilities. There was little I could do while I was hunting. I would still hear the thoughts, but it would be harder for me to focus on Victoria's. I had to pay close attention to her thoughts at all times because of the distance I was trying to maintain from her. It was in my plan to keep her at arm's length, make her feel comfortable, to believe I was being evaded. I wanted to be able to have the ultimate element of surprise in my corner. She hadn't a clue as to how fast I could bound. Carlisle had been around for many years and he had yet to see another immortal that had the ability of speed that I possessed. I could be to Victoria in seconds, but I didn't want her to know that. Complacency could become my ally against her. If she became complacent with my trailing her, I could sneak up on her and finish her. Destroy her.

I could smell the scent of a herd of deer drifting toward me from across the small creek. I moved quickly, jumping into the treetops above. I watched as the herd moved slowly then startled, picking up their pace. Their gait become shifty, looking in my direction. All of the animals, all of the creatures in the forest could sense danger, they could sense my presence. When I run through the forest, my keen immortal vision and hearing allowed me to see and hear all the creatures that would scurry to get away at the slightest movement of my passing through. We didn't even have to come close to these animals and little creatures to scare them. The tiny creatures and animals in the forest had a better sense of self preservation than most humans. Most humans became too enthralled by our beauty, our smell, all of the things about us that invited them in. It was this lack of self preservation that served dinner to nomads like Victoria and James. Their poor victims would be taken in by their beauty and then overcome by their monstrous nature.

I had taken out most of the herd of deer in less than ten minutes. I could feel the sloshing of the blood as it soaked into my marble-like body. I had more than satiated myself. I was preparing in case I wouldn't drink again for a couple of more weeks. Victoria was still near, she had stopped and I could see through her eyes that she was just sitting high above the forest floor, in the treetops. She was so much different than either of my sisters, my mother as well. I remembered the meeting with she, James, and Laurent all those months ago. Victoria had been just in as much shock as her companions that we kept a permanent residence. It was unheard of in our world. Very few covens had managed to do so. It truly was only the covens like ours and the Denalis that could do it and make our existences mesh with the humans. If we fed on humans, it would be utterly impossible. Her thoughts had drifted to the ideas of living in a comfortable home, relaxing and watching television, things that she had missed by joining James and Laurent. James was her mate and she wanted nothing more to be with him, but it was torture for her to exist outdoors all the time. I saw Rose and Alice take over her memory. She envied that they got to enjoy the benefits of having a home. Taking a shower and keeping themselves well groomed was one of the biggest things she missed about having a home. That day we had met her in the forest, she had been quite unkempt, her hair was everywhere with remnants of the forest in it.

Her thoughts drifted to Laurent. She had spoken to him on the phone shortly before he left Denali. Laurent hadn't given much of an excuse as to why he wanted to leave for awhile, he hadn't really even told any of them he was leaving. Laurent had spoken to Victoria, but her memory was blurring. I couldn't make out all that was said in their conversation. The only thought I could pick up on was one that I hadn't wanted to hear. _The Cullens coven left Forks, Victoria. The leader, the Carlisle, he spoke with Eleazer earlier. I overheard the conversation and they have left._ There was a break in the words that I heard in Victoria's thoughts. Her mind was moving fast, I wasn't able to catch what she had said to Laurent. He began again. _I'm not sure. Nothing was mentioned of their human pet when I was in the room or in hearing distance for that matter. And of course, you know I will, Victoria. What are friends for? _

The laughter I heard them exchanged sent chills and a panic through my body. I wanted to run at her then, charge her, rip her throat out. How dare that creature laugh at any conversation that Bella's name had been mentioned in?

Her thoughts continued to dart. I could see that she was now baring her teeth, snarl rising. My family and I had been so consumed with rescuing Bella from James' grasp that day in the ballet studio that none of us had even bothered to pay attention for another vampire scent. I was quite sure that she hadn't been present when we had ended James, but I knew she had came shortly thereafter by listening to her thoughts, watching her memories through her mind. She had came to ballet studio not too long after we had left, the fire still ablaze, destroying James' remains. Victoria hadn't been able to get there in time to help him. Even if she had, I wasn't sure that she would have attempted to help. There had been so many of us, she knew what kind of risk we would have proposed to her survival. It would have been nearly impossible for two of them to take our five. Our numbers was too great for them.

Victoria recollected that night. James had been her mate for quite some time. I could understand the feelings that she had been going through. Losing Bella had been the worst part of my existence, but I didn't feel an ounce of pity for her. James had deserved what he gotten from us. She would also get the same. I wouldn't allow her to harm my Bella. I had thought perhaps, had even told Bella, that I felt Victoria would come for me one day. I was sure of it. She would want to avenge James' death by killing me. She wanted me dead in return for James. How wrong I had been. It was Bella she wanted. She wanted to make me feel the pain she was feeling. Little did she know I was already feeling it. Nothing she could do to me could hurt any worse than I already was except to harm Bella.

My body began to drift toward the ridge of trees where I could smell, where I could hear Victoria. I was moving close to the forest floor, quiet as possible. Victoria would not hear me coming. I was paying extra care to every movement I made. I looked above me and I could see her. Victoria was dangling from one limb and would quickly move to the next. She was playing. She was oblivious to all that was around her. I soared my body into a branch on a tree just below the one she now occupied. Maybe this was the break I was waiting for. I would finally get the chance. I would end her. I would end all of this. I had removed myself and my family from Bella's life, took those risks to her life, to her humanity out of the picture. To make Bella completely safe, all I would need to do is kill this one creature who was inches from my grasp. From my clutches. I had made it ten more feet into the tree, occupying a branch less than that distance from Victoria. I had barely landed, a small thump that was nearly inaudible to immortals as I had barely heard it myself. I watched as the tangled mess of red hair twisted around, Victoria's bright red eyes looking, staring into my own.

I watched her face as she moved it from side to side, slowly. She was trying her best to be menacing but she had no clue what she was about to face. Victoria would meet her end. Her menacing glare turned into a tiny smile. Slowly her lips began to pull back from her teeth, exposing them, gleaming at me. The loudest snarl I had ever heard ripped through her chest, out her throat. Her body began to shift into a crouch then straightened. My own lips had already pulled back from my teeth, the venom pooling in my mouth. I had never, in all my years, wanted to destroy another creature as I desired to kill her. Before I could make my move, I listened. Nothing. I could hear nothing coming from her mind. My face began to contort as I listened more firmly, more surely. Still, nothing. It was silence. I was hearing nothing from her anymore. Her lips turned into a smile once again. She let out another ripping snarl and bounded. I bounded higher, trailing after her. I would chase her until the end of our existences, to all corners of the Earth, I would catch and kill her but it looked like today would be the end for her.

Victoria was nowhere nearly as fast as me. For every bound she made, I could make double. My bound landed me next to her as we moved lower in the trees. Her feet landed on the ground, a thunderous boom sounding. I was sure the next day the local weather report would be curious to the thunder without the storm. I had seen it so many times. Newspaper reports of unusual weather patterns. I landed down behind her, less than an arm's length away. I reached out, barely touching her hair with my fingertips. I ran harder, bounding as fast as my legs could carry me. Once again, I could feel my hand touching her hair, but not being close enough to get a grip. She bounced upward once more into the trees. Every move I made, she countered. It was like she was a mind reader, but I knew from her thoughts she wasn't. _I'll get her. There's nothing he will do about it. Nothing. Hope he enjoys her death as much as I enjoyed James. And he thinks he could catch me. HAH! _

Her thoughts pierced my stone body. The anger was building, my legs moved faster. She turned to me, sneering a terrifying smile. I knew what was behind that smile. Revenge. Anxiousness. She wanted nothing more to kill Bella. She would torment her. All of her plans went through her head of the pain that she inflict on my reason for existing. My body shuddered at the thoughts spinning through her mind. It was she that was a monster and I would do all that I could to destroy her. I would never allow her to get near Bella. I couldn't. If it had not been for me, Bella wouldn't have ever faced this danger. It had been my fault. I had known from the beginning I should have resisted, no matter the urge that my body had felt. No matter the pain it would have caused me, I should have stayed away. The snarl from Victoria's throat broke my thoughts. She was looking at me. Her deceptive red eyes, brightening then darkening. She made a leap into the trees high above us. I followed her move. I landed on the a branch just below her. I brought my hands firmly against the trunk of the tree and began to push, hoping to break the tree, causing us to crash to the ground. She was fast, but I was faster. I knew I could do it.

The tree broke with little encouragement from my hands. As we began to fall, I finally did it. I grasped her hair as we began to fall to the ground. The sound of our bodies colliding with the ground brought out a large boom that would definitely have locals believing a storm was coming. The crash sounded as if a thunderstorm would erupt immediately. The collision with the ground broke my grasp on her hand as she fell away from me. The strands of Victoria's red hair was still in my closed fist. I darted up as fast as I had pressed into the trees, but Victoria, too, was on her feet. She was bounding. I bounded faster and faster, but she still was managing to get passed me. The she froze. Her sudden movement caused my instincts to go into overdrive. My body lowered into a crouch. _Come on, mind reader, I know about you. I know what you can do. Smell them. I'll take one out and expose us. Then the whole world will know. _

My senses turned over. I could hear her thoughts. I could hear what she was thinking, what she was smelling. There was a group coming through. A school group. An elementary school group of more than twenty children. Victoria envisioned herself attacking them, exposing us. I couldn't risk that. Not now. She knew, from what Laurent had told her, that our family was caring. We cared for humanity. She knew I would stop and take of them. She would escape. She saw herself destroying them, torturing them. Images of the school children, frightened, crying was not images I wanted to endure from her. Victoria was vicious. She would stop at nothing. _Let me be Cullen, and I'll leave. I'll leave your precious human pet safe. I wont kill her today. How would that poor father of yours feel knowing you allowed me to kill all of those babies? How would your precious pet feel about it?_

Images of Bella and Carlisle, disappointed flooded my mind. I knew they would both be angry with me, upset that I would allow it to happen. We protected the humans as best we could in our area. Carlisle would be upset if I allowed this to happen. Bella would be angry as well. Would Victoria leave Bella be? She said today. If I let her go, could my hand at tracking work? Would I be able to pick up her trail? My inner demons burst through me. I wanted nothing more than to kill her, take away the danger that I had brought into Bella's life. I knew I was stronger, I was faster. I could destroy her. It was the distance that concerned me. She had managed to evade me. No matter what I had done, she had managed to get away. She could manage, that split second, and wipe out half of those school children. I know what Carlisle would say. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket. I glanced down in vampire speed. **She will kill them if you choose wrongly. Your choice will kill the children. Alice**

Alice had seen what I had planned to do. I was going to kill her but to do so it would cost more lives. Innocent lives. Knowing Alice, she had spoke to Carlisle, or else she wouldn't have text me. I looked away. Still, Victoria's thoughts played through my dead. She wouldn't kill Bella today. If I pursued her, she would attack the children. While I would try to save what children I could, she would bound back to Forks and would kill my Bella. I couldn't stand the thought of Bella being harmed, I couldn't imagine a world where she was no longer breathing. But still, she had said, she wouldn't kill Bella this day. Today she had said. That admittance assured me that she wasn't promising, wasn't surrendering forever. Just this one day. She had managed to evade me and that is exactly what she would do if I tried to run back to Forks. My family wasn't near Forks now and wouldn't be able to get to Bella if I notified them. I would have to play this game smarter than Victoria. She would win this round, but not another. I had no choice.

"You will not kill her," I whispered, audibly enough for Victoria to hear me.

She turned her head facing the direction she had been headed. "Lucky children that they should have an immortal like you in their presence. Young blood always tastes so much better." Her laughter followed her clearly into the forest as she bounded opposite of the direction of those children. She glanced back once more to see if I was following. My body slumped against a tree, almost too hard. I felt the tree almost give way to the ground underneath me. I listened until I no longer heard her thoughts. I hoped only that her scent would be still strong enough for me to follow when the next day arrived. I would hunt her as I had once hunted my own monstrous prey those years ago. Some how, some way, I would find her again.

Author's Note

One more quick note. I know that I already posted an author's note earlier, but I hadn't thought I would get this chapter finished tonight. But I wanted to give you something! I'll try to post again in the next few days. This weekend, like I said in my A/N previously, I'm at the Twilight Convention and its gonna be busy busy! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you to all those that have been following my stories. I'm glad you like them enough to follow! Huge thank you!


	7. Desire

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Six**

**Desire**

Victoria didn't waste her time getting away from me. Her voice trailed off and I knew she was gone. I stood watch over the children that were camping, not knowing the dangers that could await for them in the shadows of the trees they joyously played in. Watching them enjoy the nature around them, took me back to my childhood. Scenes of my mother began to fill my memory. The recollections were albeit fuzzy, a blur from a long ago past. Bella had asked me to change her, but she hadn't a clue what immortality entailed. The distant memories that I wanted so badly to regain rarely entered my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It had been Rosalie of all of my siblings that could remember the most about her human life.

The scenes of my mother at our home in Chicago were distant memories. She had taken me to the park on a warm, spring day. Chicago could be terribly humid during the summer months and my mother was quite overprotective. I had wanted so badly to play sports as the other boys but she always afraid that I would be harmed. Instead, she instilled in me, helped me to learn my talents with the ivory keys of the piano. It had been a beautiful day and she had gotten me dressed in my leisure clothes to go to the park. My mother was a magnificent lady and we skipped along the street together, stopping to get ice cream briefly. I had ran through the park just as the other children had with mother saying nothing to discourage me. Not until I decided to climb a tree. She had insisted I must come down before I injured myself. I had of course been the usual young boy, insisting nothing would go wrong. I felt like a character from a superhero comic book, climbing higher and higher into the tree branches. Mother had moved from her spot she had become relaxed in on a park bench to standing below the tree. I watched her pace back and forth. Being a young boy brought up with manners, I began to make my descent. I had almost cleared the last branch when I slipped, skidding to a halt on the ground. My dungarees were stained and mother was by my side, hoisting the pant leg up to check for damages. The scrapes were minimal but I could see the panic in my mother's eyes. _I'm fine mother._ I had tried to reassure her. She wasn't having any of that. _Edward, son. I don't know what to do with you. You could have been hurt badly. Look at your knee and your new pants. Children are meant to play on the ground, not in the trees. The trees are for the birds. Now, you may learn to listen to me, Edward. _

Mother had reprimanded me but she was still dear. I was her only son, her only child, and she wouldn't have been able to handle anything negative happening to me. My mind snapped away from the brief memory that had only taken less than a half second to replay in my mind. I began to climb higher into the trees, quietly making my rounds along the perimeter of the campground. "Mother, if you could see me now, you wouldn't have imagined what I have become capable of," I spoke lowly. Even my own immortal hearing barely heard the words.

I swept through the perimeter quickly. I couldn't pick up but a faint smell of Victoria's scent. I had given her plenty of time and she had actually kept her word and continued south. I had known from her thoughts she would but I couldn't help but be a bit weary that she would head north. All I could think of her was surprise attacking Bella. Bella who would have no protection. My family had guarded her home when she had left for Phoenix with Jasper and Alice, ensuring that her father was safe. Her father, the chief, could keep her safe from most humans, I knew, but not from our kind. Only I could protect her from our kind. I bounded off along the treetops, my desire to find and destroy Victoria taking a hold of me. I would be successful.

I bounced along the trees until the forest came to an end. I could still faintly smell Victoria's scent but the sun above me in the sky would make it impossible for me to continue. It had been dark when I had let Victoria continue on. She had managed to use that nighttime darkness to her advantage, scurrying through the towns while I had been left to sit guard over the stranger kids. I found myself a place to hide just inside the forest, above the trees. I debated going hunting once more, a well fed immortal made for a more powerful combat warrior.

I leaned my head against the tree, reciting poems, murmuring the words to songs that reminded me of Bella. My last moment with my Bella stood out in my head, replaying so loud that I could feel the sobs in my chest. I waited for the tears that would never fall. My body was going through so many emotions. It had been the only way. I knew that. I had to give Bella a chance to be normal, to be happy. Bringing her into the immortal darkness was not what she needed. I needed to accept my decision. The hardest decision I had ever made. The lies I told her replayed over and over in my head. There was nothing I could do that would have worked. I had known that. She had believed me. It had been what I wanted, although I hadn't expected her to believe so easily. Images of Bella, driving her antique truck to school, smiling happily as she joined her friends. It was my hopes for Bella. It was what I wanted for her. Was it what she was getting now? I hadn't been gone but a short while, but had she moved on? Had Bella been able to smile that warm smile that had stolen me? Was her beautiful chocolate eyes filled with contentment and happiness as I would want them to be?

The images of Bella being happy overcame me with the thoughts of Bella finding happiness with someone else. Would he be the reason for happiness now? Had she given Mike Newton a chance? The thoughts and images of Mike, standing next to my Bella, her smiling at him, made all of the self control I had retained diminish. The branch of the tree I had been holding onto disintegrated under the pressure my hand had brought around it. My body began to cringe in pain at the likes of Bella with someone like Mike. I despised that kid. His thoughts were always of himself and how superior he was, how deserving he was of any girl of his choosing, in particular my Bella. But she was no longer my Bella. How could I be angry at him if he did try to take my place in Bella's life?

I had to change my thoughts. I had to get those images out of my mind. I had to stay focused on the task that I had given myself, the task that laid ahead. I hadn't bothered to wear a watch but I knew that if I was going to take myself out of the forest I would have to do so very soon. The sun would be beaming down and there would be nowhere for me to go without exposing myself as what I am. I flipped open the cell phone that I had been carrying since Forks. There was several messages from every member of my family. I didn't care to read them at the moment. I knew my actions was troubling them. I had read Jasper's mind and I knew it well enough to know what was going on, whether he tried to recite the Battle Hymns or whatever statistic his mind was screaming. He had tried desperately for me to not know. He would of course be sensing, feeling, putting off the emotions of the others. I could still feel them no matter how hard I tried. My poor brother was having to deal with my dark depression as well as the worries of my family.

I left the forest and continued to follow the faint scent that Victoria had left behind. I didn't doubt that she knew I would continue to follow her. I was much relieved that her scent didn't change course and go back into the North as I had suspected. If I had truly believed she would have went back toward Forks, I would have made my way toward her, regardless of any individual that would fall to her. Bella would forgive me eventually and I knew Carlisle would. I would have deserted the children, hating to do so, but I would give my own existence to protect Bella. It had been my existence that had nearly killed her twice already. Twice in the few short months I had gotten to call her mine.

Victoria's scent headed toward Los Angeles. I stayed far from the road, in fields and along treetops. I didn't want anyone to see me. I couldn't risk being exposed now. A lynch mob would come after me, I was sure. No human army could fight me off but I didn't want to waste the time defending myself, not to mention, I would have had to be the monster that I was. I didn't want to have to slaughter anyone. As the daylight began to encroach on my plans, I ran faster. I would find a hotel and take myself indoors. I knew that Victoria would be hiding during the day, wouldn't be moving either. She wouldn't come to the City of Angels to only be ousted as a demon. I tried hard, listening intently, but hadn't come across her thoughts. Her mind's voice wasn't calling to me. I wanted badly to hear her, but nothing. Not a small syllable.

I checked into the first hotel I saw. The lady at the check-in desk questioned my age but I did what I always did. What my Bella always accused me of, I dazzled her. Being the monster I was, I knew she wouldn't be able to resist my seductive tone. I whispered quietly and confidently that I was most definitely of age. I produced an identification that Jasper had had created for me and she still had doubts. Her lustful thoughts gave way to what the rules of the establishment she was employed by insisted she do. I smiled, flashing my teeth widely, and took the key. It was inside this room that I had just obtained that I dreaded to be. Being locked indoors, no where to run, no way to vent my frustrations in a way that could make me feel any different. I wouldn't be able to run from my thoughts on what the situation of my existence had become. The situation that was no other's fault but my own. I had created every bit of the grief and misery that I was feeling. I had been the one that blindly took Bella into the clearing for the dreadful game. It had been of no surprise to me that there was visitors in the area. We had known about the nomads and I had promised Bella that all would be fine. I had insisted that I would be more overbearing that normal, keeping her close and safe to me. It had been by my side that death had almost found her. If I hadn't taken Bella to that clearing than I could have avoided her being harmed so greatly.

The flashbacks of finding Bella in the ballet studio in Phoenix hunted me every day. I had been nearly too late. Bella had insisted that it had been me that kept her alive, but I couldn't make her see that she wasn't being sensible. It had been my presence, my existence in her life that had warranted such a terrible event. James had almost killed her, nearly transformed her into a monster, but she could still refused to see the connection. Images of her writhing in pain, burning as we all had, flooded my mind. She had been nearly, completely broken. James had done such a number on her. The smell of her blood had been so strong before I had ever gotten inside the doors of the ballet studio. The scent so strong that Jasper and Emmett had to run out after they destroyed James. Alice had even had difficulties. Her scent, her amazing scent. Carlisle had been the only one unaffected.

Carlisle had insisted the only way to stop the change was for me to suck the venom out of her. The turmoil I felt at the prospects of tasting her blood, the blood that sang to me, had been nothing compared to what I was feeling now. I had stopped. It had been difficult but I couldn't harm her. I loved her. She completed me, becoming my existence. Nothing would ever matter to me more than Isabella Swan, not even now that I had left her. It had been my love for her that had stopped me from drinking her blood dry and my love for her that had allowed me to leave. I had to do what was best for her.

I had to focus on the happier times. I glanced out the window of the hotel room. It was nearing twilight but the sun still remained silently in the sky. The stillness all around. The noise inside my head was droning. There were few guests staying in the hotel, or perhaps, they were out sight-seeing, but still, there wasn't much to listen to. Bella's face, laying across from me in our meadow, flashed into my brain. That had been a wonderful day, the day I had shown her my true self. It was so easy for me to just be me around her. I had never felt that way with anyone, immortal or mortal, other than my adopted family. She had carefully touched the back of my hand, tracing the outlines. I could nearly feel the touch of her warmth on me now. "Cullen, you have to get a grip," I mumbled to myself. "She deserves better than all of this."

Walking to the window, I faced myself out toward the city. If I got rid of Victoria, then maybe I could go back to Forks alone. Without my family, there wouldn't be any other worry. I hated thinking in that manner, but it had been my very own brother that had set this in motion. I didn't lay any blame on Jasper, nor did Bella, but it had been my exposing her to him that had made my decision. The sight of Jasper, his thoughts screaming, coming at Bella, could have nearly divided my family. It would have been my fault. That night, Rosalie had put the blame on me and she had been correct to. If I had been stronger, strong enough to stay away from Bella, none of that would have happened. I had placed Bella and Jasper both in a difficult situation. I had known that Jasper was always struggling. He tried his very best to hide it and I never told the others about it, but I had known. I had put temptation in his way. And poor Bella, she didn't know the wholeness of Jasper's struggles. I had insisted she be with me, with my family. She was a mere human and I had led her into the lion's den of death. Bella had been much more brave than I had given her credit for. I had hoped to scare her away with my truth, make her run from me and never look back, but I had been wrong. It didn't matter to her what I was, what my family was, not even what we were capable of. I had allowed her to get too close, to care for me nearly as much as I cared for her. She had been willing to put her life endanger and I had allowed her to. The thoughts of a future with Bella in my arms, my family far away, Victoria non-existing, crept into my mind. "There's no way, Cullen, no way," I reprimanded myself. I could never go back. It would be too selfish of me to even think that I could.

The sun had finally set. Venturing out would be safe for me now. Not sure where to go, I walked downstairs at my immortal pace, slowing just as I could hear the thoughts of those about to come face to face with me. The two girls' heads turned as I walked past. Disgusting thoughts. It sickened me at how quickly lust could achieve such ugly thoughts. I walked to the desk and smiled politely at the young lady that had rented the room to me just hours ago. I laid the key and a large tip on the counter and jetted out the door. I had to find Victoria. I wouldn't stop until I did. I flipped open the cell phone. "Carlisle," I started as soon as I heard his thoughts. "I thought you might would like to know what I am up to."


	8. Repeating History

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Seven**

**Repeating History**

Speaking with Carlisle had done very little to uplift my mood. I had been in nothing other than utter despair from the moment I had decided to leave Bella and Forks behind. No, it had been longer. It had been from the moment I had caught the thoughts running through Jasper's minds. I had smelled the blood that had poured out of my Bella's fingertip before she had even realized that she had cut herself. Jasper would have been second in knowing. I had been so angry that he hadn't known after that it wasn't he I was upset with. It was myself. My family was all upset by the situation that had occurred. Even Rosalie had took pity on Bella for what had almost happened, not that Bella would ever truly know. Rosalie had been quite angry with me and had snapped at me harshly when I had returned to our family's home. She had berated Jasper as well. She had him nearly as much fault as she held me. Carlisle was being the most supportive father figure I could have ever asked for, Esme the most supportive mother. I had hurt all of them and speaking with Carlisle had reiterated it. It had been nothing he had said, not even his thoughts, but I could hear his voice. He was greatly displeased with the situation that our existence had become. He had wanted to send Emmett and Jasper to help me on my mission but I wouldn't allow it. Tracking Victoria had to be something I did alone. It would bring pain for Rose and Alice for their mates to leave them behind while out on my mission. It wouldn't have been fair to them.

I continued into the deeper parts of Los Angeles, not truly sure where I would end up. I hadn't gotten a good enough read into Victoria's mind to know her tastes and preferences. I had been consumed by James and his thoughts that day in the clearing. It had been his mind that had consumed my thoughts for his thoughts pertained to hurting Bella, hunting her like a stolen possession. I had gathered quickly that it had something to do with Alice, as his eyes darted toward her as soon as he entered the clearing. It had been his video that he had intended to leave behind for me that explained his obsession. I had followed Victoria's scent, first into Hollywood, then on, deeper into the section of town that sent my mind into overdrive, replaying the events of what almost happened to Bella in Port Angeles. The voices I heard in my mind wasn't much different from those individuals that had once upon a time herded my reason for existing. I had wanted so badly to hunt them down but Carlisle had decided for me that I wouldn't do such a thing. He had been right to handle it in his own means. All those that had been hurt by that terrible man and all those that would have been could thank Carlisle for his justice. It hadn't been the justice I had wanted to seek for him, but any was better than known.

Drug lords, prostitutes, pimps, you name it, I could hear it all. It had never ceased to amaze me in my more than a hundred years what people were and are capable of. I turned the corner, briskly walking, trying to keep up the human façade as I walked down the dreaded streets of this section of town. I hated hearing the repulsive thoughts of those kind of people. It had been those type of people that my inner monster had carelessly hunted down and destroyed. I turned the corner and I could see a young girl walking ahead of me. She couldn't have been more than just barely a teenager. She walked past a group of men that were gathered at the alley just a few feet before me. There thoughts turned lustrous and absurd. She glanced over her shoulder several times in their direction before she turned and looked at me.

Her eyes gazed hard, longingly. The little girl's lips spread apart slightly, her upward lip turning northward just a bit. She was looking directly at me. Her eyes was full of fear and I could smell it. The group of men at the alley could feel it as well. _Please, please, dear God, let them leave me alone. I'm almost home. That guy behind me, he looks okay. Please let him keep walking behind me. Please. Maybe they wont bother me if he is here. _Her thoughts were pleading loudly.

My gaze left the sight of the young girl as the thoughts and words of the men I was approaching became louder. Their whispers would have been lost on a human but not my immortal ears. They were planning to attack this poor girl. I could still smell Victoria's scent, barely, but I could still smell it. The thunder above in the sky crackled loudly. If I didn't continue on, her scent would wash away. I would lose it, but this girl. I was torn. She looked back once again and my eyes met her's. Her chocolate brown eyes, not as chocolate, not nearly as beautiful as Bella's, but still chocolate. I saw in her face the face of Bella. How could I not protect her? Bella would be upset if I didn't. "Damn," I muttered under my breath.

I stalked behind, letting her continue on. I didn't want her or anyone else to see what I was about to do. I slipped into the alleyway that I could see would lead in on the other side of the men. They were just about to leave the confines of their drug bin to harm the girl. "Hello, gentlemen," I spoke.

The taller gentlemen, the leader, stepped forward. "Who do you think you are coming into our territory, buddy, with those fancy clothes?" he said, using what he thought would be a menacing voice.

I knew there was limited options on how to deal with this. My existence had fallen apart. There was nothing left for me to protect other than Bella now. I had always worried about my soul, what would come of me. Without Bella, I wouldn't care. I had tried desperately, wanted to not be the monster that I was. My thirst was growing ravenous as I could smell that one of the men had an open wound on his hand that by his thoughts I could tell he had gotten from recent fight. The smell of blood was lingering in the air, with a small amount of a scent of a narcotic that he had obviously recently acquired. "I'm the 'buddy'," I spoke mockingly, "that has decided to put your plan of that little girl out of commission."

The tall guy laughed and then smirking looked at his companions, "Is that a fact? And you," pointing to me, "is the guy that is going to enforce that, eh?"

The burn was creeping into my throat and I was fighting my senses. I could destroy all of them now, rid the world of their type of trash, protect so many. The venom began to pool in my mouth. I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket. I slipped the phone out before they could notice and had it back inside. Carlisle. Alice. They both were texting me. I was sure that Alice was foreseeing what kind of position I was in at the moment, she had definitely spoken to Carlisle. I would upset my family even more, Bella, too, if she would find out. But she would never find out. I was no longer existing to her, as it always should have been. I moved forward again. "I am," I said confidently. "You will bother her nor any others."

The men began to move, surrounding me, as if they would be taking any chance I would have to defend myself. My phone was violently thrashing in my pocket now. I didn't need to look at it to know that my sister or father was calling, to see if I had relapsed, to see if I was rebelling again. My hand stretched out to sling the tall man's accomplices away. Their thoughts, much like the men in Port Angeles, was not the same as their leaders. I brought my hands out to throw them down the alley. The force that I sent them flying knocked their shoes off of them. I grabbed the man by his shirt collar, lifting him several feet from the ground. "You will not hurt another person," I commanded. "Do you hear me? If I let you walk away, you can be sure that every where you go, I will be there, following, waiting, hunting you. And I have the power to do it."

I crushed the man's fingers on his dominant hand with a slight crunch. I jumped onto the roof and back down to the ground. I was exposing myself but there wouldn't be a soul in this world that would believe this man. Not with his history. I had no fear of him, but I could smell the fear running through his veins. My hands were enveloping the man's throat, pushing his head to the side so that my venomous teeth would easily find that spot that would quench the burn that had erupted in my throat, that would destroy the sentient creature in my clutches. I was taking hold of the moment as I had wanted to do to those monsters who had stalked and herded my Bella. The face of my reason for existing showed in my head, the little girl who had managed to escape the realms of the new monster in my grips followed after Bella's face, then Bella returned. _Edward, don't. Please don't. This is not who you are. You are better than this. _Bella's voice was soft but stern. She didn't want me to become the monster I once had been. The monster I am. My grip loosened slightly, not because of the thrashing of the man, but because of my own accord.

The man's eyes were staring intently on me, pleading. He knew that the fear he was experiencing was much that of his victims but he still didn't care. His thoughts began to irk my senses louder as he felt that the young girl would have been worth his life if that was his price to pay. The snarl building in my throat erupted between my lips. The hissing of my anger was loud and apparent. "Please, man, I wasn't going to do anything," the monster pleaded.

The venom was building thicker in my mouth. The aching burn of being so close to a human drink was building, burning. I brought my teeth closer to his skin. I ignored the pleads of the man's thoughts, his words. Then again, that voice that I long to hear, the voice whose owner I longed to be holding, watching sleep. _Edward, Edward, think of Carlisle, of Esme. This man isn't worth it. Find another way. I know you can find another way. This man is not worth all that you have worked for. All that you are. _My Bella's voice grew louder as my teeth grew closer to the pulsing beneath the monster's neck.

My grip broke and I tore away from the man as his body slumped against the brick wall of the building, slowly sliding to the ground. My back was against the rear facing building that was opposite of the man. I brought my hands to my face, covering the eyes that was beholding the sight of the man. The man was sobbing loudly, thanking me for sparing his useless life. Less than a quarter of second I was lifting the man into a standing position. "Look at me," I snarled. "Look at me."

The man's eyes darted slowly up to meet my face. I didn't have to imagine what he was thinking, I was hearing every thought. I was living his world through his thoughts. "What are you?" he questioned me.

My lips curved into a slight grin. "I'm the one that is going to stop this, stop this insanity," I answered. I grabbed his arm. "You are going to do what I say, nobody else will ever hurt because of you. Nobody, do you hear me?" The man's head moved in the affirmative. "Listen to what I say. You are coming with me. I'm not going to hold next to me, but do not try to run. I will catch you."

I started down the road with the man beside me. His thoughts gave no hint of running. He knew that I was a monster, a monster he could not outrun. I had made him fear, for the first time in his miserable, disastrous life, he was afraid. Several blocks away, I gave him his instructions and he walked into the police station. I didn't go inside. No need for me to do that as I could hear the exchange from the outside, down to the handcuffs as they were placed on his wrists. He would be spending a very long time behind bars for all that he was guilty of. My family would be proud of my actions, if they should ever know them, which was quite unlikely. Bella would have been as well. Pointless to even think such thoughts, I turned my back and began to walk away. I had worse monsters to find. A particular red-head that, until I caught her, I would not stop. Then, my phone ring. Alice. I flipped the phone to the off position and continued walking.


	9. Slipping

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Eight**

**Slipping**

Alice POV

The room was silent. The feelings of betrayal was consuming myself. Edward and I had watched out for one another greatly after learning of each other's gifts that always had our minds working. Nobody had understood me more than Edward had, not even my Jasper. I looked at the faces of my family. Carlisle and Esme were distraught to say the least. I watched as they both sat like the still statues that they had become. Jasper took my hand into his and squeezed it slightly. I didn't even look up to reassure him. He knew exactly how I was feeling without me telling him. I knew it wasn't what I should do. I needed to try and reassure him. He was blaming himself so much because of the situation our family found ourselves in.

I slid closer to his side, trying to let him know without saying anything. Since the day that he had nearly attacked Bella, Jasper's future had waned so much in my visions. I felt terrible for him. If I had foreseen, if I had been looking for how Bella's birthday party and its outcome, perhaps I could have stopped all of this from unfolding. That day, that now seemed so long ago, even to us immortals, had been disastrous. I had been so excited to do a party for Bella, to give her a wonderful birthday party, the last that my visions foresaw her having, well, the last birthday as a human, that I had not thought to try to see how the outcome would be. If I only had, I could have saved everyone, my entire family, Bella, Edward from this terrible situation.

Jasper whispered just loud enough for me to hear him, "Its not your fault," he spoke. "Its mine."

I shook my head at him to disagree. I had gathered everyone together shortly after seeing Edward delve back into the world that he had rendered himself to during his rebellion years. I hated betraying his trust, knowing he wouldn't want me to say something to Carlisle and Esme, but I had to. Carlisle wanted to try to stop him, but there wasn't enough time. I saw that he had decided and was going to act on his decisions. Carlisle and I tried to phone him, tried to stop him, but nothing. Edward wouldn't answer our texts or our phone calls. All we could do was wait to see what was to come. Wait for another vision. I searched the future but every path I saw Edward on showed him slipping. Slipping into the ways of his rebellion years. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting quietly in the far corner of the room. Rose had very little to say to any of us after the birthday. She was angry with all of us for following in the footsteps that Edward had set for us. Rosalie was angry with Edward, still blaming him for everything. Jasper felt she should be blaming him, and I felt that I should take all the blame.

Rosalie had moved herself to the window, looking out into the night's sky. Her mumblings under her breath were not inaudible, not that I or any of the rest of our family thought that she was trying to be quiet about her thoughts. "Rosalie, its quite obvious how you feel, but do you mind?" I finally spoke, knowing that a confrontation was about to explode and Esme would be less than thrilled.

Her long blonde hair swung swiftly in the air as she twisted her body to face me. "What? You want me to feel sorry for him? I can't do that," she spoke loudly. "All of you are feeling terrible for Edward when he brought this on himself, on us. We had to uproot and leave everything we had been building so that he could consort with a HUMAN!"

By then, everyone had rose to their feet. I could see the pain in both Esme and Carlisle's eyes. Edward was Carlisle's first companion, the first of the adopted children for them. "Rosalie," Carlisle warned. Rarely did a stern sound come from Carlisle's mouth, but it did. "I believe those thoughts of your's are quite unnecessary. We are a family and we stick together."

Jasper shifted closer to my side, positioning himself in front of me. That crazy man of mine always concerned himself too much with protection of me. I knew that he felt a full out battle was about to occur, that he would have to get in between myself and Rosalie, possibly Emmett. I looked into his eyes that were dark with thirst. I made a mental note that as soon as Rosalie's tantrum was over, I would get him into the forest to hunt. "No, Carlisle, no," Rose's voice grew loud. "Here we are sitting her, doing nothing, waiting to see if the prodigal son will return, waiting to see if he has went over to the dark side. I'm tired of it. I walked away as he asked, but I'm not going to sit back and mourn him. This is absurd."

"Rose," Emmett warned. He brought his hands to her shoulders, trying to do the best he could in calming her. "Edward needs us."

"No, he's proven to us that he doesn't need us," Rosalie's voice grew louder. "We left everything so he could play house with his little human only to destroy everything for us. I don't really even blame Jasper. Edward knew the temptation the human would be and he still brought her around. Its Edward's own making. Then he leaves all of us behind while he goes off on his own. We could have just stayed in behind in Forks, but he insisted we leave and he would rejoin us. Now we sit her in despair of what his next move is…waiting, while he is gone, not caring what he is doing to what he has left behind."

Rose shrugged Emmett's hands away, giving him a stern warning glare. I was opening my mouth to speak, to defend Edward, but Esme beat me. "Rosalie, I do not want to hear those words leave your lips again! Edward is your brother, he is your family. We stick by family. That is why we left. It was what Edward felt was the right thing to do and we stick by one another. Do you forget so easily how we left Rochester after you had your vengeance so as not to draw attention and so that you could begin to exist as we, as in Edward, Carlisle and myself did? Its not been that long ago that Edward freely walked away from our lives in Rochester to help you."

Jasper's head bowed in agony and embarrassment. "Rose, my actions were not Edward's fault," he mumbled, much unlike how he would normally handle himself in a confrontation setting. His feelings of the situation that had brought us to the moment had been weighing even more heavily on his mind since Edward decided to go out on his own for a while.

The expression on Rosalie's face turned to one of sulking. "I don't want our family arguing," Carlisle spoke. "This is not what we have devoted ourselves to. We are a family and we stick by it. I don't want another outburst like this again. It isn't fair to the rest of us, Rosalie, to feel this animosity you have." Carlisle grew quiet for a moment. "Edward will need us when he chooses to return."

Rosalie turned her head from Carlisle, examining the expressions that each of us portrayed. It didn't take a mind-reader to know what she was thinking. No matter how angry she was with Edward, with the reprimand from Carlisle and Esme's disapproval, she would keep her mouth shut. She knew her thoughts and actions were not correct, but her vain, self-absorbed self couldn't help it. She glanced around, sulking. She wouldn't speak another word against Edward, not for now. My vision had shown me that much. My love for Rosalie would always be just as the rest of my family, but she was the one that could shift my mood and make me nearly angry. My perpetual up-beat mood could be difficult to maintain in her presence, when she acted in this manner.

Jasper was sending a wave of calmness into the room but it was taking all that he was capable of to do so. Since we left, he had to endure all of the changing moods in the family. In the first days after we left and Edward joined us, Jasper had to endure all the feelings that Edward had went through, the depression, the sadness, the self-loathing. Mixing that combination with Rosalie's anger and hatred, my poor Jasper had to work extra hard to sooth a room with his gift. I squeezed the hand that he was still holding, nuzzling my head just under his chin. Then it hit me. Another vision. I could see Edward, standing outside a police station. The pleased look on his face.

I tried my best to keep my facial expression the same during all my visions so as not to alert the others. So many times I would be having a vision that I needed to pay close attention to, but my facial expressions always gave me away. While I needed to be concentrating, the others would be questioning me adamantly, sometimes causing me to lose my focus. It was those occasions that I was exceptionally thankful for Edward's gift. He was always my right hand man, helping me with our gifts. My eyes focused and I smiled at the others. Carlisle and Esme had shifted so close to the edge of their seats that if my parents hadn't been immortal, I would have warned them to slide back so as not to take a chance at falling and having an injury. Jasper was anxiously looking at me, pressing my hand hard between his fingers. Emmett was staring at Rosalie sullenly as she angrily was looking at me, if she were a human her face would be alit with the redness of anger. She wanted to see Edward slip, to fall off the wagon we had created for ourselves. Rosalie knew that harming a human would leave a mark on Edward for the rest of his existence and she felt, truly felt, that if he suffered it would be enough for repentance for causing us to lose what we had built in Forks. Rosalie could be quite the mean woman when she wanted to be.

My face had betrayed me again and the others could see that I saw something good. Since leaving Forks, none of my visions had been the embodiment of happiness. "Edward's okay," I directed to Carlisle and Esme. "He was able to retain his humanity. He did the right thing. I saw it all. He did injure the monster bit, but in the end, he couldn't do it. Edward insisted that the guy turn himself in for all of his crimes. The man's fear of Edward was definitely enough to motivate him to do so. So he did. Edward is blocking me as best as possible, he knows I am watching his future. He is leaving LA tonight, but where he is going, I cannot tell. He is being extremely careful…I really wish he wouldn't do that…but he's making his decisions at the last moment."

I watched Carlisle and Esme relax into one another's arms. The relief of the news that my vision brought was apparent across Jasper and Emmett's face as well. Rosalie left the room without speaking. "Alice, you can only see what he allows, he knows how your visions work," Carlisle tried to reassure. "I'm just thrilled that he was able to do the right thing. Edward is good, he just doesn't give himself credit."

I nodded in agreement, Jasper as well. "I'll keep looking, but I'm sure he is going to try to keep me from doing so," I said. "Its all that I can do."


	10. Madness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine!**

**Chapter Nine**

**Madness**

The darkness that had surrounded my days was beginning to grate on my nerves. Being the monster I was, I deserved it. I deserved all that I got. I had nearly destroyed the most important thing in my life. I had nearly allowed Bella to be killed because of what I was and as a result of the association she had with me. The darkness of staying indoors weighed heavily upon my shoulders. If I was only still human, none of these would have occurred. The monster in me, the circumstances it brings, I was getting what I deserved. The selfish nature of who I was, I had given her fair warning, but it was my own choice that allowed her to be okay with it. I could have tried harder to frighten her, to make her stay away, but I had been too weak, too weak to say no to this fragile little human that I wanted for myself. The urge to protect her, to keep her safe, the urge to love her had kept me from being able to do what would have inevitably been best for her. I had now broken her and broken myself all while destroying and hurting the family that I had grown with since my immortal existence.

I peered out of the curtains, drawing back the fabric that was hiding me from the outside, looking to see if twilight was getting closer. The new goal I had set for myself was much different than the previous. I had vowed to keep Bella Swan safe from me, but now, now I was doing just that and then some. I was keeping her safe as a result of me. As soon as the sun would relent, I would continue my hunt. I would not rest until I had Victoria in my grips and could destroy her. The only retribution, the only decency I could now give Bella Swan was to watch Victoria become ashes. In the distance, across the parking lot, I could see a couple, young and in love, their laughter and the love shown in that laughter tormenting my ears, their thoughts screaming loudly in my head. My hand gripping the window frame tightened. My hand was clinching just a bit too tightly to the frame of the window. I felt the wood splinter as my fingers dug in. The madness I was feeling for not being with my mate was gaining hold. I had recognized the moment Jasper nearly took Bella's life that I would not be spending forever with her. Watching the happy couple in sighted the anger that I had been trying to suppress. I heard the frame of the window give way. I would definitely be receiving a larger bill upon checkout.

The sunlight that was beaming down sparkled off of the glass of the new paint of the car I had purchased earlier in the day. I had been going about my hunting just as Victoria, but I had to deal with her evasiveness differently. My hand at tracking was not working as I had hoped. I needed to remain inconspicuous but I needed to blend as well. My family had existed in places that were easy for us to go about life in a human way for so long that Victoria was having the upper hand in this. My thought had been if I perhaps resorted back to how I had been living, Victoria would get complacent and I would find her. Watching the sunlight spray into the multi rainbow in front of me brought the memories of Alice's visions soaring into my mind. She had seen what I had not wanted for Bella, saw her becoming one of us. I knew that Bella had wanted it, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I would never turn the most wonderful creature into a monster. I wanted better for her. Alice's vision had been so real that I grew angry with her for allowing me to see it. Alice had a way of thinking of other things, hiding her visions from me when she didn't want me to see them. Why couldn't she have done that then?

Seconds had passed, and the sun was gone. I needed to embark out, track Victoria. Her scent was still in the air. I gathered what items I had carried inside with me and left...leaving a note of apologies to the hotel management with a hefty tip. It had been this strength that I possess that Bella couldn't understand why I had to be controlled with her. I had destroyed the entire window with a small bend of my fingertips. It would have taken a lot less to destroy the one most valuable entity in my existence.

The smell of Victoria was still present in the air. I whipped the car in and out of the Los Angeles traffic and headed for the border. I would have to hide the car somewhere along the way. I hadn't grabbed any of the papers that I would need to get across the border legally. It wouldn't matter anyway. Being as fast as I was, the border patrol would never have seen me anyway. Victoria's scent was strong ahead, leading into Death Valley. I would ditch the car here. Nobody would find it here, no matter that would matter. My focus had been entirely on keeping my family in the dark as to my whereabouts. Even with Alice's visions, I knew I would be safe. She and I had always protected one another, seeing the gifts we possess as near curses instead of a gift to be used. Having others thoughts in my head all the time was at times nearly unbearable and it was only Alice that could truly sympathize and understand.

Placing the keys under the front seat, I was off. It wasn't long before I hit the border and jumped crossed without one border patrol agent even noticing. Victoria's scent was still lingering in the air. Running as hard as I could, I bounded into Mexico, the direction of Victoria's scent guiding me to go further south. It had been awhile since I had visited South America, and that would come to an end soon.

Author's Note:

I apologize for the time it took for me to make an update! I had a computer crash that created some issue and have had so much going on that I haven't had a chance to pay attention to my stories! Thanks for reading and I promise that the next update wont be far away!


	11. Helpless

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine! Any quotes or words used from Ms. Meyer's works are totally her's. I lay claim to none!**

Chapter Ten

Helpless

It had been weeks that I was searching for Victoria. The thoughts of hunting her and finding her were consuming my every moment with a collision of all thoughts of my reason for existing that I had left behind. I had tried hard not to think of her, not to allow myself to get away from the task at hand, but I couldn't. In a town where the name Isabella was so common, the whispers of Bellas all around, my mind wouldn't stop. I tried desperately to block out even the hint of her name, the hint of the human I love, the human who gave meaning to what I had been for the past eighty plus years.

Alice and Carlisle had both tried to contact me numerous times. I had reached the depths of destruction so often that I knew that Alice's visions would not be soothing to her and that only Carlisle would be the one she would turn to. Alice knowing of the relationship between myself and Rosalie would not share the information I knew her visions were showing to the rest of the family. Alice wouldn't want to worry our dear mother or hear Rosalie gloat about the outcome of what I had become. Rosalie would be happy and full of bliss for the outcome of what I had turned my existence into just out of pure joy and revenge because of my earlier denial of her after her addition to the family.

Sitting in the hotel room that I had taken several weeks earlier after I had exhausted my search for Victoria, I had so much time to sit and ponder. It was destroying my family even more than I had imagined when I decided to leave, decided that we all would leave Forks behind. Images of Bella continuously were going through my mind. What was she doing now? Was she happy again? Had she moved past the time we spent together? Surely, she had. If Bella hadn't been such a special human, I would have figured she had for sure. But Bella, my Bella, was different than the average human. It was time for me to return home. I would plan my return carefully. I knew Alice would foresee what was coming, she would see our return to Forks, at least my return to Forks, but she wouldn't say anything as the course I was working on was still a work in progress. I would first go to Forks, stay in the shadows, watch her for a few weeks. If Bella had forgotten me, had moved on with her life, then I would leave again and that would be the end. I wouldn't stand in her way with whatever human happiness she had found since I had left. If she was unhappy, if I could sense that she missed me the way I missed her, then I would run to her. I would take her gently into my arms and tell her of the lies and beg for her forgiveness. I would make promises of the future and of making her forgive me. Nothing I would ever do could make it up to her my terrible treatment of her, but I would have to make her believe, make her see that I only did what I thought was best for her, protecting her.

I glanced down at the few articles of items I had of belongings with me. I had brought nothing of any measure of importance with me, so I would just throw these things. I would take a flight in the morning. Returning to Forks via a plane would be faster than my running and since I was unsure of Victoria's whereabouts now, it would be best I return as soon as possible. What if she had returned to Forks looking for me now? Bella would be alone and unprotected. Once again, it was my fault. I left her alone and unsafe. The phone call arranging a flight was done and I was beginning to feel a sense of urgency. I needed her, in any way possible. If she had moved on, I would remain nearby, watching out for her, protecting her. My fragile Bella would need my protection just as I needed her to be near and safe. I decided I would speak with Carlisle about the matter, but it was my surprise that Rosalie answered. She had been avoiding answering any call that came from me and I was perfectly fine with that. I never wanted to really speak to Rosalie again. She had been a major player for the opposition with regards to my relationship with Bella. Rosalie and her opinions had become one of the key players in my decision to leave. Between Jasper nearly destroying my Bella and Rosalie's condescending reaction toward the situation, it had been those things that convinced me to leave. Regardless, I needed to speak with my family. "Rosalie, I need to speak to Carlisle," I had demanded. Rosalie had grown quiet, saying nothing, so unlike Rosalie. "Rosalie, what is it?" I demanded.

"Edward, it's Bella," she finally spoke. "Alice had a vision."

I had asked Alice not to look for Bella's future. I had wanted Bella to be who she was before I had come into her life. I wanted her to be the young, safe, alive girl she should remain. I didn't want any of the vampire existence to be tainting her existence with or without her knowledge. "Rosalie, what did Alice see?"

If a beating heart had still existed in my chest, I was sure it would have burst. The uneasiness I felt in my gut was comparing nothing to the thirst for blood. For once in my existence, the bloodlust compared little next to the feeling of apprehension rising from the pit of my stomach. "Edward, she's gone. Bella committed suicide. I'm truly sorry, Edward."

I had no time for Rosalie's put on remorse. My knees hit the floor hard. I lost all sense of the human façade I had been upholding for all these years. The floor beneath me shook, the walls rattled with the impact of my body against the thing barrier below me. I was sure that all of those in the building would be certain that an earthquake had occurred. The venom pooled in my mouth as my anger grew and turned into pain. Why would Bella do this? I couldn't exist in a world without her. She was the reason I was being held to this place. Rosalie had to be mistaken. There was no way Bella would do this to herself, to Charlie, to her mother. Bella Swan had to exist. She had to be safe.

I made no move to bring myself off of the floor. I would trade my existence and a million like them to safe her, to take her place. Bella had to be okay. This had to be a miscommunication. Alice's visions were subject to change. Perhaps this vision of Bella's demise was a vision that would change if Bella's course could be changed. Rosalie had said it was suicide. Had my actions killed Bella anyway? I couldn't allow this. I had to try. I dialed the Swan house, a number I had wanted to dial so many times since I had left. The seconds of the ringing coming from the phone seemed an eternity. The male voice answered. "Can I please speak to Chief Swan?" I asked, my impatience growing.

I could hear the apprehension in the male's voice that answered. Who was this guy? Was he a relative that I didn't know about? A friend of the Swans that Bella had not mentioned. The helplessness I was beginning to feel began to overcome me as the boy spoke again. My heart began to sink as I heard the words. Funeral. Charlie was at the funeral. I slammed the phone shut. My body came crashing forward before I could stop it, causing another earth moving event. Bella was gone. Alice was right. I had driven Bella to take her own life. I had destroyed her. If I had walked away, I would have spared the world of losing the most precious creature to walk, the earth. I knew what I had to do. It would destroy Carlisle, destroy my family, but I had to pay the ultimate price. I couldn't live with her. I couldn't live without her. Knowing that Bella was no longer gracing this world, I had to join her. My brothers would not help destroy me, a job that would require help. I could not exist this way. I knew what I had to do.

I plundered my way into the streets, tossing that annoying phone into a trash can as I made my way out. I would be heading to the airport now, but not to take me back to Forks where my dearest should still be breathing. I would head to Italy. The Volturi would help me. I would get the help I needed to end this horrific existence. I deserved to be in hell for the monster I was.


	12. Italy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine! Any quotes or words used from Ms. Meyer's works are totally her's. I lay claim to none!**

Chapter Eleven

Italy

It was easy getting a flight to Italy. The few thousand extra dollars I used to encourage the stoic clerk at the ticket counter at the airport would mean nothing to me, but it broke the lady's arrogance into greed. It had yet to cease to amaze me how a little bit of the green could alter the outcome when one set their mind to something. The flight gave me plenty of time to lay out my plans. How would I explain and approach the Volturi? Would they give me what I want? I had heard all of Carlisle's stories regarding the Volturi, regarding the three mature vampires who considered themselves brothers, the three that ruled our kind, Aro, Caius, and Marcus. I knew that Aro would know everything once I allowed him to touch my hand. Maybe, just maybe, I could manage to stop that from occurring. I didn't want them to know that my family had been aware of my cohorting with a human, allowing that precious human to know the secret of our kind was real. Perhaps pleading my case would be enough, begging for mercy, begging to be destroyed because of the loss of my potential mate, potential because I had not had the opportunity to change her. It would be fermented in a lie, I had no plans of changing her, but perhaps, I could get the Volturi to take pity. From all the stories I had heard for my existence, it had always been my thought the Volturi found great pleasure in destroying others of our kind and this I planned to use to my advantage.

The plane tilted and hit turbulence as we got closer to Italy. The plane crashing could be the answer to my prayers. My prayers that I was sure didn't make it beyond the ceiling of the plane. My innocent Bella had been so willing for me to change her, to make her like myself. I had never had a chance to tell her all the reasons why I wanted to keep her human, why I couldn't take her humanity, why I didn't want to doom her to an existence with no hope for an end, to be frozen in this state of unchanging forever. I had never had the opportunity that I couldn't take away her chance at an afterlife, taking away her soul. I had been certain since the day I of my reawakening that I had lost my soul. The plane hit another air pocket. My mind wandered again to an easier death. If the plane would only lose altitude, would begin a terrible descent, I could be finished. I could make it happen. I could easily rush into the cockpit of this plane. The security measures taken to keep the pilots safe would not stop me. I could make this plane do as I wanted. I could be inside the cockpit before those around me were aware I had left my seat. I could snap the necks of the pilots and head the jet into a downward spiral. I could position myself to hit the ground head first, snapping my head away from my body or the impact alone would dismember me. The fire from the jet fuel would then proceed to consume my body and destroy me. There would be no putting Edward Cullen back together. The thoughts of this easy end were interrupted by the sound of the passengers moving about the cabin, heading to their seats to get buckled and safe. How unfair it would be for them to die? I wouldn't want that. I wanted no more innocent humans to suffer at my hands. The guilt of destroying my Bella took over me again. I would never, could never, live with myself for destroying the one I love.

I would have to think of another plan. I would come up with another way. It would be so much easier if I were human and could just swallow poison or jump from a bridge. The humans were so much luckier when it came to self-assisted death. I would arrive in Volterra soon and I would go straight to the Volturi. I would be abrasive with whoever I encountered until I could reach Aro himself. I would admit that I had allowed a human to know, to see what I truly am. This alone would be an offense that would be terrible enough for punishment by death. I had truly broken the only real law of vampiric code, to keep our secret. I had not kept our secret; I had allowed Bella to know all. With Bella being gone, I wouldn't feel retaliation toward her, I had already done what they would have done to her had she still be alive, I had killed her. I had destroyed her.

The plane landed, but Volterra was still a bit away. I found a car that was being unattended and stole it without batting an eye. Carlisle would be so disappointed in my actions. I was sure, however, that Alice wouldn't tell him. She would give the cliff notes version of my actions. I was sure that my entire adopted family knew what I was doing. The thoughts of hurting them added even more to my guilt. I knew that I would bring them suffering that would last the rest of their existences but my mere death would be less than what they would endure if I remained alive. Alive I would be mourning my mate, mourning my Bella and would be a misery for them to be near. At least this way, they could have some sort of chance of life without dealing with all of that. The car sped faster as the urgency to end my existence became more needed. It wasn't the guilt that was driving me to get to the Volturi fast, it was the pain. I had tried to explain to Bella on occasion that not only was everything multiplied in this life, the strength, the intelligence, but also the emotional capabilities. Bella had never quite known how much I cared for her. It was impossible for a human to feel, to love, as a vampire did. Bella had not known what it was for her to be my mate and for me to be her mate. There would only be one love for me, even if I was not with her, even if she had wanted me not. My connection to Bella would be forever and I was going to end my forever. The pain of knowing she was gone was the most unimaginable pain I had known. The pain was more than the pain of a million daggers of fire singeing my body.

Volterra came into my sights. It wouldn't be long now. I would leave this world. I longed to call Carlisle and Esme, I wanted to thank them for showing me love and compassion, for staying by my side and supporting me in all the choices I made, whether wrong or right. They had supported me greatly and I know I was letting them down, but I knew they would once again understand. Neither of them would want to survive without the other, I knew this firsthand. I had heard their thoughts and knew that neither of them could or would want to exist without the other. I knew that when Alice told them of my plans they would be hurt but they would understand in time. I had to do what I felt necessary. I could never live without Bella Swan. I would never live without Bella Swan. I would no longer exist. Today would finally bring the end for Edward Cullen.


	13. Volturi

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. There may be new characters created of which will be mine! Any quotes or words used from Ms. Meyer's works are totally her's. I lay claim to none!**

Chapter Twelve

Volturi

I had made my mind up on the course of action that I would take once I arrived in Volterra. The sun wasn't shining brightly and I would be able to make it to the counsel. From all of the history that Carlisle had given our family, I knew that I would have to insist abrasively that I needed to speak with Aro. I made my way through the streets of the city that was home to the closest reference of royalty that our kind had. The windows in the buildings along my course were being decorated in the red fabric to mark the St Marcus Day festivities that were occurring. I couldn't have asked for a more superb day to die. It seemed quite befitting; the town would be celebrating its victory over the vampires, killing them all, when one would be dying in the tunnels below them.

The entrance to the castle of the Volturi was elaborate and welcoming; they wanted visitors to feel blessed to be partaking in a tour of their home. I could hear the voices of all those around. I made my way to what appeared to be an information desk, one of those used by tourists. Gianna was the girl's name. Her thoughts spoke loudly. _Attractive, but his eyes are not right. He must be from one of those strange covens I've heard the others discuss. _It was information like that when my mind-reading truly was a gift. I wish there would be a way that I could tell Carlisle that the human servant of the Volturi had overheard discussions about the vegetarians. There was only two covens that we knew of that didn't partake in the normal vampire diet, our coven and our "cousins" from Denali. "I wish to see Aro," I said sternly.

"Your name, please," this Gianna said again.

The poor girl was hoping to become an immortal but she hadn't a clue how many others just like her had become the meal instead of getting the promised gift. Used and thrown out. "Edward Cullen," I snipped. "Aro will agree to see me."

Gianna moved away and pressed the receptor of the phone to her ear. Had she not learned from the time she had already spent with the Volturi that her attempt of hiding her words wouldn't be possible? Aro was going to see me. I could hear the surprise and the anxiousness in his voice. Gianna came back to me, "this way please."

I followed Gianna down the long passageways and into an elevator. We were going down. _I wonder what is so impressive with this one. Aro actually allowed me to change his plans for this morning so that he could see this one. I wonder if he is gifted._

"Why must you concern yourself with the gifts of immortality?" I answered as the doors of the elevator opened.

Gianna's face grew weary, not understanding what I had done. Even with the amusement, I still could not smile, not even a half grin. I was here on a mission and that mission didn't including toying with a less than important human girl that wanted this life. Two guardsmen came flanking either side of Gianna. Demetri and Felix. "We will take it from here," Demetri spoke.

Gianna turned and flitted back toward her post of watching for and protecting the Volturi's lair from intruders. The large, ornate doors opened. I stepped slowly into the room. Carlisle's descriptions had been quite accurate. The Volturi definitely enjoyed making a display of their power in the interiors of the lair. Three large, ornate thrones sat atop a stage. I glanced around the room, tuning my thoughts into line with the directions of the voices that were filling my head. Caius and Marcus remained seated, Aro standing on the nearest step. "Ah, yes, Edward," Aro spoke. "You come alone. Carlisle didn't wish to travel with you? Shall he have sent his regards instead?"

The red eyes of the figure head stared into mine. "Aro," I stated. "Carlisle would have sent his regards if he had been aware of my decision to pay you a visit. He has spoken highly of you many times."

Aro stood motionless, sizing up the situation. _But, then what could you want dearest Edward? To come to me, to us alone…Ah, yes, I know that I would like to have you in my service. I have heard of you and your abilities, young Edward. I wonder, are you reading my thoughts now, young one… _"But of course he would. Carlisle spent many years here with us, young Edward." Aro turned to look at his brothers. He became guarded with his thoughts. I had known that Aro knew of me, it would be a given. Aro, who could with one touch know all things you have ever thought, had definitely come in contact with another who would have known about me. "Please, young one, what can we do for you today? It is not every day that a coven from so far across the world comes to us."

"Aro, I have come to ask for the mercy of the Volturi. I have come to admit a crime that I have committed and ask that you punish me accordingly."

Caius, the brother who Carlisle liked the least, was staring me down. "What is it that you have done?" he asked.

I took one step closer. "I have allowed our secret to be known. I have found my mate in a human girl, Bella. I allowed myself to be what I am with her. She has since lost her life and I am asking for the mercy that you will spare my existence of pain of losing my mate. I ask that the befitting punishment of death be given to me."

Aro's eyes narrowed and he guarded his thoughts. "Edward, dear Edward, how must have you been so close to a human?"

"The difficulty was quite certain, Aro."

Aro turned to look at his brothers. "Edward, how could I do this to your coven, to my friend, Carlisle? I do believe that you are too special of an immortal to meet such a fate, young Edward. We are prepared to offer you a place in the guard as that would resolve the issue of your crime. Would this be of interest to you, dear Edward?"

I should have known. Eleazar had told us many times that Aro would pardon a crime for someone who he felt would benefit his guard. I would never be under his rule, live by his and the Volturi's thumb. "I would prefer death."

"Edward, this cannot be done. Our punishment of death would be provoked had this mortal still be alive to tell our story, but there is no consequence without her living. I cannot grant you this one request today."

How could this be? All the stories I had known of the Volturi, my head should have been snapped off my shoulders by now. This was unheard of. Aro pardoning me of the crime I admitted to committing, breaking the only real rule of remaining a secret. Aro was doing his very best to think of nothing that would give hint to what he was thinking but I didn't have to hear his thoughts. Aro wanted me to be a part of his guard, to do his workings. He could hear thoughts with a touch, but I could hear thoughts from a distance. Aro and the Volturi would find me too beneficial to end. "I respect your decision. Thank you for your time."

"Of course, we will think our decision over if you give some thought to our proposition for you," Aro stated. "Return later this day and we will discuss your options once more. It could be quite worth your while to join our guard."

I gave a slight nod as I was approached by the young girl who was known to inflict a mental image of pain that would feel as real as if you were truly in it. Jane, the one who could bring you to your knees, was disappointed in the lack of the killing. "Come with me," she spoke. I followed her through the tunnels and into the elevator. "Exit onto the south side of the street. The sun will not be shining in that way. Wear one of these cloaks and keep yourself hidden. Pity, a real pity."

I took the cloak Jane provided and watched as she walked away. This could be my answer if they deny me again. I would come up with another way. All I would have to do would be walk into the streets here. Reveal myself. My alternative ending would provoke the Volturi. If Aro denies me again, I would provoke them. Today, Edward Cullen would die.


End file.
